This is my old blog. New blog here: Lieh.ae | Lieh-always-enough

Monday, June 23, 2008

Lieh not Enough~! (Part 2) -- My Commitments, My Life

Main Label: I, Me & Myself
"Oh no... Lieh not enough le... Everybody wants a piece of Lieh! I wish for 8 more Liehs: (1) One for God, (2) One for family, (3) One for friends (and maybe one more for more friends!), (4) One for games! (5) One for gym and be handsome, (6) One to do Great things! (7) One to do all other little things, (8) One to enjoy every beautiful things in the world, (9) And last one just for simply doing nothing! ... ... ... Ok, reserve for girl friend lah!"
Lieh
(1). God
My God occupies one of the largest portion of my life. Not trying to be "spiritual", but I kind of started "searching God" when I was in primary school. Since then, parts and pieces of my life involves this element of God. Currently there are so many questions in my mind about God, His Unconditional Love, and the Free Will which He freely will for us... Such questions are tough and at times, uncomfortable, up to the extent that I will say my brain is going to burst~! Yet nevertheless, such questions are never harmful as it may seem to be. I do enjoy the process of such thoughts, or I currently call it "my spiritual warfare", or "battling of the mind". The fact is, regardless of the hard part, I can still get some inspirations~! This is my version / style of "seeking the Lord".

(2). Family
Yes, my family is definitely one of the most important element in my life. "I love my family~!" I would say. However, there are times I do realize that I don't know how to love them effectively, and maybe perfectly. Neither their loves for me is the one that I seek and desire. What do I mean by to love effectively & perfectly? It is to love one in a way the person wants to love and be loved. To love someone perfectly is difficult, almost impossible. At times, I couldn't help to think that "perfection" is an illusion. Or to illustrate better, "perfection" is an ever on-going event that you can say that it has no end.

One desire that I have, is to love my parents and sisters and their families effectively. To know them better, to understand their needs and meet those needs. However, this is never a simple task... And this definitely will take whole lot of me to do that of which at times, I am not willing to give in, to give up my certain things just for that, you know.

(3). Friends
Yup, yup, and more friends~! Friends from primary school, secondary school, Poly, MDIS, Church -- CG, ex-CG, Usher Ministry, miscellaneous friends, ex-colleagues, sis' friends, and a very few of friends' friends. Actually, to confess, I am really a shy guy who seldom initiate a conversation with strangers. But my heart is always welcoming new friends. So I really appreciate people who will initiate a conversation with me (conditions apply, oops). What conditions? E.g. Insurance or financial planner who asks you for "a short survey" that kind...

However, there was this moment of my life that I felt so lonely. Although I have many friends as I claimed that, there are times friends are not available when you need them. Yes, some friends will be there for you when you are hurt, just broke up in relationship, severe quarrel with parents, etc. etc. But what I mean is the moment when you just come back from school or work, then you got to travel, got to eat, etc. These are the moment you are left alone when you don't have friends who stay near to you. There are times I gotta eat alone and this is a trouble when I am eating during the peak hour! Yup, no seats and no one help you to jaga your belongings!

Then as I know more of God & Jesus, my inner attitude began to change... (Though I sounded like I am giving testimony and witnessing the Lord Jesus Christ and the Christianity, I am really just saying my heart out. I am not really interested in giving Jesus testimony and witnessing for the time being of my life, I just wanna tell the truth of my heart.) And with God who brought in more friends to me that I came into the situation that I were so busy with friendsss that eventually I yearned for a time to be left alone, so that I can have times for myself~! Haha... Ironic and funny? And that was the time I realized that I really need times for myself, and myself only. I also came into a revelation that:-
"When you are lone, you're alone with God."
Lieh
And this especially true when you know the God that I know; when the God you know will actually respond~!; when you are sensitive to God~! :) :D

There are times when my friends ask me out but I am not free due to other commitments. I felt bad and pity that I can't join them. And this can really result in "lost contact" one. One thing I realized in my life is that, my family and my friends will organize events at the same day! This isn't really that "coincidence" because those day are usually special days (such as Father's & Mother's Day) and public holidays. Don't know why, I always choose to stay with family when such choices occur. There are exceptions of course. Another situation I felt bad with friends is when they invite me for their wedding dinner. I attended some but rejected some too. There are times I felt some "low self-esteem" in me that I don't feel like meeting people to update my life with them. And the more realistic problem is because of the distance and time taken for the travel. Most of my friends are in Singapore but I stay in JB. Because of all these inner and external issues, I rejected some of my friends' wedding dinner. And I felt real bad for not been able to bless them, witness and celebrate such glorious and memorable moment of their life.

I really wish I can have more quality time, and $$$ to spend with my friends. But really, friendships also need "maintenance". Those closest friends don't need much maintenance, but most friends still need it. You shouldn't be so surprised when someone invents "Friendship Management". In the market, there should have something known as "Relationship Management" already. I think it should have covered that too...

(4). Games!!!
Yeah~! Game is really one of the major element of my life~! One of the easiest way to piss off Wei Lieh, is to tell him straight to his eyes "you shouldn't play game..." !!! I tell you, I'll mark you if you tell me this. Hahaha~~~

In the past whenever I told God, "God, I want to play game." God's response is always the same, He said to me, "you can play game, but provided that you need to know how to control it." The reason why I told God that I want to play game is because at that time, I was much "church-focus", which means I spent a lot of time in church, CG, fellowship and ministries that I had not much time for myself to play game. So I was "hinting" God that, "God, you see? I am so focus in Your Kingdom that I don't have time for myself." God knows me definitely and He is aware of what will happen to me when I started playing game. And that's why He said that to me.

True enough, whenever I started a game, especially Role Playing Game (RPG), I tend to have a deep desire to finish them off at one shot. To finish the game until very end, until I have completed every tasks in the game that it ever provides, and until the credits roll up, and reach the final screen of the two words "The End'... And this means that I will ignore to do many other things, except eat, sleep and bath, and then just to give myself a quality and quantity of time to play game! And I will feel being agitated when I am interrupted while playing game... I guess this is the same as when other big boys watching soccer? Anyways, I am never a big fan of soccer.

One thing I realized in my life is that, actually I will not treat playing some online mini games, puzzle games and board games as "playing game". But rather, I treat those games as "killing my time" event. I.e., when I am stuck in a situation that I can only "wait" due to certain factors, so I have this time of waiting, this time to "kill", I will play those games... To me "playing game" is really to play a RPG game. To me, a RPG is like a story book or a movie , but more than a story book or a movie because of the high interaction points, where I am much involved in the story, it is like I am the main character, going through what the character is going. Playing a RPG to me, is like going onto a brand new adventure~! In a world of fantasy, world of magic and stuff.

In the past few years, I would actually hesitated to start a RPG, or an adventure, because of high commitment, i.e. time and effort to start and finish off this adventure. I wanted to change that. So I thought of doing other things first before I start a brand new RPG. And I will put "I want to play (RPG) game" as my core motivation to finish off all the other stuff that I have been accumulated, you know, so that I can have my quality time for my big adventure! Haha...

Sigh, but things are not going so smoothly as I planned. Whenever I tried to do something, problems will arise... resulting in frustration and stuff. When all in my mind is as clear as my core motivation, - "finish all these things then I can start a RPG, and have my new beginning." I was angry... when I tried to solve a CCTV problems, more problems pop up! When I touch computers, computers can spoil out of no where! Then I couldn't help to have a revelation that: "I cannot touch IT stuff", or "I am not fated with IT stuff"! But from another point of view, I am also considering to take up an IT course, because all those problems appears to me as "calling" or "sign and wonder"! Haha...

Because of all those frustrating issue, I tried to cool myself down by watch DVDs... And that's the time I watched a Final Fantasy XII DVD, a compilation of the game, Final Fantasy XII by Square Enix. I knew that I will not have the quality time to play this game in near future, so I thought of buying the DVD to watch and to know the story first before I can find the time to let me enjoy this game. But I was wrong.... After watching the DVD, I AM SO MUCH INSPIRED by it that I am so eager to start playing the game! After certain periods of "struggling" between "to play, or not to play", the desire prevails the problem solving... Yes, finally, after 2 years of its debut, I started playing my long waited favorite RPG, Final Fantasy XII~! I forego my previous plan of finishing other stuffs first before I start my new adventures!

Oops... you may think that I am not a determined person who gives up easily. Or you may think that I don't have much patience. Well let me assure you with this, I am one of the most determined person you can ever meet and I am definitely one of your top 10 most patience guy you can ever know as a friend~! ;) Haha...

Because of the "one thousand and one thing" to-do-list, with the "out of nowhere"-cum-"pattern-liao-liao" problems, also having a great desire to play the game, I finally come into a conclusion or revelation that my life being a Shaoyeah, still stands firmly! I am not suitable to fix stuff like IT, accomplishing tasks, solving problems, because they will "multiply" and multiply "rapidly"! But what a typical Shaoyeah can do, is to enjoy life, enjoy everything that he enjoys, as for my case, playing game! Fair enough, true enough, as I turn on my long rested Playstation2 (PS2), it doesn't go haywire, except that it is a little slow. This is a conflict as my previous stand of "not fated with IT stuff"! Haha...

I am not sure about you if you are in my situation... Come on... when you try to do something great, try to do solve some problems, but the issues do not resolve in an expected manner, and to add, more problems ensue from that directly and indirectly. Then, as you do the things you love and the things you always want to enjoy, it goes PERFECTLY alright. What will you do? What's your decision? What will you choose to do? Will you carry on dwelling with problems or jump out of them and do things that tend to go smoothly with the bonus that you actually enjoy doing that? Do I get some same thoughts as mine? Or do I get some surprising answer as "I will continue to solve those problems and forego my leisure and entertainment"? Truly, if you have the attitude of carry on solving problems, you are the person that I will want to meet in my life with top priority! So please come and meet me and solve all my problems~! Thankz alot ya!

Aiya... actually my original intention is to telling off all the 9 Liehs. But can only end at No.4, Game. Because there are really got a lot to tell man... Haha... Anyway, shall continue again. Read on~! Shall update real soon... heh heh...

Friday, June 6, 2008

Lieh not Enough~! 烈不够用~!(Part 1)

Main Label: I, Me & Myself
"Oh no... Lieh not enough le... Everybody wants a piece of Lieh! I wish for 8 more Liehs: (1) One for God, (2) One for family, (3) One for friends (and maybe one more for more friends!), (4) One for games! (5) One for gym and be handsome, (6) One to do Great things! (7) One to do all other little things, (8) One to enjoy every beautiful things in the world, (9) And last one just for simply doing nothing! ... ... ... Ok, reserve for girl friend lah!"
Lieh
Yup, that's how I get my blog title, "Lieh-Not-Enough". It is just another way to show my commitments in life. Jesus said this: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21) These are the my treasures on earth and are always in my heart...

I once told God, "God, why don't you clone me into 8? Isn't it nice to have more of me? That I can do many more things, like serving you and loving you, etc.?" Then, I felt God's reply, and of humorous kind, He said:"Hmmm... if I clone you into 8 pieces, then the 8 of you will certainly come together to setup a LAN (Local Area Network) and then start playing multi-player RPG (Role Playing Game)!" Well... that's my God. :)

At times, I really cannot understand life, I mean as a human being living a life... There is so much things to take care of! From your very own family to friends, career, physical health, enjoyment, psychological and spiritual well-beings, etc. Then in your circumstances, i.e. the place you live and the surrounding places, of which in the end that defines the whole world, and if you would like to hold the link to further distance, there's an universe out there. The world has government, law, politics, religions, bu$ine$, economic, astronomy, sports, culture, languages etc. And forgetting not there's history, science, geography, arts, literature, etc. Simply too many things that I can ever think of.

But as only one human being, how can I live a perfect life? How about knowing everything? I was thinking, it can take whole lot of effort to "take care of yourself" already, but there's more to do! What do I mean by "take care of yourself"? Another words are "live healthily", to take care of your human body, from top to below, from hair to toe. Every part of our bodies are unique and therefore requires differentiated focus. I already cannot handle much. And I am still thinking of how to have a good diet habit so that I am healthier? To make the matter worse (or more challenging), the global warming has resulted in great impact. Humans are getting weaker and weaker. Diseases that we thought only old folks will get it, is now approaching the younger generations. Sometimes, because of DNA and stuff, your physical weakness will pass down to your lovely babies! Yes, there are babies born with certain sickness because of their fathers! That's so sad. That's only the physical part of human body. Another great piece of human, is the "mind" part you know? Your mindset is also very important, if you don't have a healthy mind, you will do crazy things. However if you have an open mind, you will probably do wondrous or incredible things! Until now, I am only talking about oneself.

Other than yourself, there's people around you, environment you live in, doing the things you love i.e. hobbies, having a job, earning salary and climbing the career stairs, etc. But we as only one person, what is the focus? or what are the focuses? In most cases, the majority will end up focusing on job or career of their lives. Why? Simply because there's $$$ factor involvement. In my Church, one of the main sermons is about "giving tithe & offering". Pastor Kong always says that "money = life" (I forgot the exact phrase he uses). And he will quote an example from working and earning salary. For example, if you work $10 per hour, and you work 8 hours per day. That 8 hours of your life is worth $80. Something like that.

I find it very true. Since young, I was thinking:
When you are working, you are earning money; when you are not working, then you are spending money.
做工的时候是在赚钱;没做工的时候是在花钱。
When we work, we get paid by timely basis or agreements. But the moment we are not working, i.e. after work, before work, on MC, on leave, and not to even mention unemployed, we are spending money... Transportation, electricity, water, eating, living, playing, communication, etc. One thing you can thank God of, is the air you breath is free of charge (as of until now)! Ok, time has changed, there are methods to earn money without you to spend time to work on it; there are ways to earn extra income, if not, to lose some money via investment and stuff, but that's not the focus now. So in everybody's life, money always matters though money is not everything in life. The classic saying still stands:
有钱不是万能的,但是没钱却是万万不能的!
In translation, it means that "money is not almighty, but definitely cannot be penniless!" Director Jack Neo (梁志强导演) has this movie called “钱不够用” (Money not enough) that was a big hit of the time because I think that it really speaks the heart of many souls, that money is not enough, and money is never enough!

Other than "money not enough", another crucial element that human always in lack of, is time! I find it interesting also, all of us are given 24 hours a day, and this appears to be a very fair allocation. However, why there're people who always appear to be so free at the same time there're people who are so busy? Well of course, many other factors come in. Because people are in search of the wisdom of timing, there ensued "time management" in the world. But after that, "effort management" came in, and then there are many "managementsss" also exists. It is just like, first there's only IQ (intelligent quotient), then came out EQ (emotional quotient). And after that, there are many 'Q'sss!

Come back to "time"... Sometimes I feel that I will get irritated by the saying "I'm bored", "I'm so boring". To me, there are always something that I can do, something that I can improve on. There is always a book for me to read... ... ... Eh... not enough. Let me rephrase: There are always books waiting for me to read, games waiting for me to play, a research topic for me to start on, a gadget to explore, movies or TVs shows or dramas to watch, musics to listen to, concerts to attend, skills to acquire, lessons / courses to take, friends to meet, muscles to develop, Bible verses to memorize, new vocab to learn, stories and articles to write, Birthday cards to make, things to arrange???, adventures awaiting, people to take care of, own body to take care also, understanding more about one person, get a girl friend (oops), events to plan and execute, shoppings and going places, etc. etc. There are simply too many things in the world and in life that one should never get bored with! How can people still say "I am boring"??? Haha... I know I am very bad / naughty regarding this lah... But the true is, people are not in lack of actions (i.e. things to do), but lack of desires... i.e. the purpose, the motivation of doing certain things. I think I've heard one saying, "is not no action, but no motivation". "Boring(ness)" is not lack of actions, but can be lack of "energy", i.e. you are physically tired when your mind is still pretty awake, or lack of "desire", i.e. you are mentally or emotionally weary when you just wake up in the morning after 9 hours of sleep!

Oops... Haven't really talk about my "Lieh-Not-Enough" yet. I guess I was just drawing the frames and background of my main topic, main juice... Haha... Anyways, Lieh-Not-Enough is a way to show my commitments in life and a reflection of me as another ordinary human, also having "time not enough", "money not enough", energy / effort not enough, love not enough, happiness not enough, etc. But only 1 thing is ever enough... ... ... Ok, 2 things. One is problem. I had enough problems! That's for sure. Another thing is enough. Because "enough is enough"! Haha... Don't understand? Nevermind, never let it in your mind.

Aijo... typed so long already... still got a lot more to write leh... But shall reserve it next time ba... Otherwise gonna be absolutely long and lengthy.