Critical Life Updates!

Main Label: Life Update

Oh no... It has been more than a month that I didn't blog~! So lazy... why? Not that something bad had happened to me; not that I ran out of stuff to blog; But rather the opposite, I had been sooo happily playing my favourite game, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2: Grimoire of the Rift (and yes, the full name of the game is that long) that I neglected my blog world and always dwelt in the land of Ivalice, the world where the game is set on. Only until now that I have finished much of the game, and so I decided to blog now... Haha...

Where do I get the inspiration of this blog's title, i.e. "Critical Life Updates!" Well, it is from the Norton Anti-Virus software. This program will warn you to run "LiveUpdate" if you haven't been doing it. And it warns you with words like "Critical LiveUpdate required". How true this is for my blog too... I had even skipped blogging in the beautiful date like 080808, which was also the opening of Beijing Olympic, and oh no... the whole of Olympic I also didn't blog!!! But anyways, not that I got lots of stuff to write about Olympic. Nevertheless, the opening and ending ceremonials were still marvelous and grand and beautiful and inspiring. It definitely worth everybody's time watching man~! Well, it had ended like 2 to 3 weeks ago liao... Another beautiful date in August that I like is August 28. I wanted to blog on this day but still... ... ... I had nothing memorable happened on this day in my history but I always wanted to make that date memorable in my future, maybe my ROM date... Haha...

So why so special about August 28? This is where one of my favourite verses in the Bible lies...

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

There was one moment of my down-time life, this verse kept running in my head until I decided to memorise it and that was the time when the Service's sermon was about this verse too! Anyways, since then I can recite this verse perfectly and it always encourages me whenever and wherever I feel downs or ups! To add, there is another "coincident" about this number 8:28. I usually leave for work at about 8am, and will fetch my workers (who are my relatives also) in the bustop before we head to work. Sometimes I gotta wait for them as the bus timings are random. By the time we reach our factory, it is usually about 8.30am. Most of the time, when I look at the clock in my car or on my office desk, they usually read "8:28"! And everytime I see that, it reminds me of the verse. I am not saying that this happens like 100%, but you can say that it happens like maybe 90%? Anyways, that's my relationship with 8:28. :D

Like I always mention, I really got a lot of stuff to write down, a lot of my life stories as well as my imaginery stories to tell. But I until now I haven't been blogging much... and interesting stories of my life just keep on happening~! Not that my life is dynamic and absolutely dramatic, but still, I do have some interesting things happen in my life once in a while like that. The followings are the random thoughts that I wanted to blog but finds it "no time" to do it ever since I started this blog early this year. Yah, the time is that long...

(1). Feeling with a girl!? - "I'm in Love"~~!?
This is one of the "top priority" I wanted to mention. I did share with some of my best friends. And this story gotta link with my "fate" and "destiny" thing, whereby it also links to the time my mum and 三姐 brought me to 算命！Well, the 师傅's analysis are quite relevant~! Especially about my 姻缘... And that's one of the stories in my life that I find it somewhat dramatic lor... Can shoot into movie one...

(2). More about myself.
There are a lot more that I can write about myself. And this is in my original plan for the sequence of my early blog entries. I wanted to write everything about myself before I started my somewhat dramatic life stories. But because I seldom blog and those interesting stories just keep coming until I "cannot catch up with"! Haha~~ One of the top-desirable topic about myself that I always wanted to write is what I called it "A Typical Piscean". Yes, though maybe as a Christian, one who believes in Jesus Christ are not suppose to believe horoscope, I still find the star sign Pisces really suits me completely, if not 90%. Everytime I read those horoscope articles either from forwarded mails, some websites or some Facebook applications, what they says about Pisces's characteristics and personalities are like 90% accurate to me. Too accurate that I couldn't help but to nod head and agree with absolute amazing. Most recently, I read one in a forum, the way the style it writes about Pisces is really really "hit the spot" like that. As if no one has ever analyses it so so accurate! I don't know how to describe the feeling... All I can say that the article is much more accurate and critical than those I read before~!

Another thing that I wanna write about myself is also the experience or encounter with 算命师傅. Because for the things he had said about me... And when it is "About Me", of course the "love" factor or matter also must come in. And this is linked with the point #1 above. Argh... I must write this in Chinese! This is about my “理性与感性。。。” “双鱼儿的其中一个特征就是超理性与超感性的结合体。一方面，鱼儿喜欢思想，其实是过于的思想，导致“想太多”，这是它的“超理性”。而另一方面，鱼儿又是“超感性”的，很敏感（Sensitive)，很有同情心，又喜欢幻想，常常就是躲在自己的幻想世界里等等。这种理性与感性的结合体，就算喜欢上别人，即使感性的一面会全全付出，但是付出到一定的阶段，就会被理性截止了。。。这种现象有好有坏的。。。而这死鱼儿又天天活在自己的世界里，就是说即使在爱情里，仅仅是单方面的付出，不管暗恋的人知不知道自己对她的爱意，牺牲，甚至不介意她不知道自己的存在！自己就已经满足到~~~~~~~~

还有，我的超理性也让我最终承认了我对“择偶条件”的过高要求。。。唉。。。

(3). My Spiritual Well Being...
(Use back English. heh heh...) This is also one of the "top priority" stuff I wanna mention about. And this happens to be the most complex one, so this is also very difficult to write about, don't know where to start. I also want to write down all of the wonderful spiritual encounters with God that I have these years... before I forget them and never be remembered, then it will be a really a sad stuff... Those moments... are wonderful of coure, memorable and... interesting~! And these encounters really built up my relationship with God and my faith. Eventually, these memories are the only weapon or shield for me to fight my spiritual warfare now...

Ok, the followings are most recent one, it does not need to date back to early this year.

(4). Decision to Leave My Singapore Church??
Because of my spiritual well being, of which obviously is not so well-being, I wanted to leave this Mega Church... But many factors got me... If you can agree with me that I am the "think-a-lot-Piscean" that I mentioned earlier this blog, then it should be easily understood why I got so many factors one... Anyways and actually, things happened in a more or less "I want it that way" thing. Long story... But what I want to say here is, the trigger point for me to "leave" the church, was my passport... My pages are using up! There was actually an entry pass for foreigners to come into Singapore without filling in the "white card". I went to apply that only to get rejected! In utmost disappointment with "all other factors come in together", I finally told my spiritual leader, i.e. my Cell Group Leader (CGL), that I decided not to come into Singapore so often, and I told her my intention to find my local church, really is my local, not Singapore local... However...

After the decision, there are times I still went into Singapore on Sunday, because I got stuff to deal with. And times that I didn't drive into Singapore, I will go to gym instead. I know and I know that, and God knows that, I won't find a JB church so fast one, because ultimately, what I am yearning right now, is more of my personal space, to do the things that I wanna do, to get back the things that I had lost in the past few years... Specifically what I had lost? In fact, it was what I had gained... I gained weight... And I really wanted to lose the "gain" and really lose some weight! This is one of my important achievement for the time beings...

Really, about this topic, there are a lot more to write, because of the "many factors"... Let's see will I write them out eventually in the next entries?? Haha...

(5). Money Matter
Recently, I did mentioned something about $ on my MSN status... In fact, regarding money matter, there are two absolutely standalone events that I am involved. If you can remember there was one status I mentioned I needed professional help or advice from lawyer or police and etc... That was the first event, and it had dated back to like 3 years ago when I was still in Singapore. This got to related with the Multiple Level Marketing (MLM) company that I used to belong to. There should have many related stories that encircled or in directly linked with mine, and I am most interested to find out, but to no avail... Hmmm... should I mention that a police report was filed actually? But anyways, I am satisfied with the current status of this issue, where my 4th sis, Ah Bee aka Finn helped me a lot with it. I am really really thankful for her.

Another money matter happens around here in JB, near my workplace. Somebody somehow owed my $ but refuse to pay up, and to think that my family has been helping his family all this while. “过河拆桥” is all I can say!

About these 2 issues, there are friends who had already asked me what happen... But I was really tired and will be frustrated and lazy to type out all the details of the stories in MSN... Well, it is all the tiny little details that make up one interesting story, right? If you want summary, I have given you right? "people owe me money" lor... Haha... so let's will I write in details about money matter also... Ahaha...

(6). A New Business to Venture?
My loving daddy recently set up another company to do realty, real property. And when he told everybody (not everybody; individually, and not publicly) about it, it seems he also communicated the idea that "it is opened for me". I heard sis telling me this "he opened it for you..." Aww... feel so stressed sometimes. I do have a mixed feeling about this... I should be happy really, but somehow I don't feel the "excitement" within me. Don't really know how to put them in words but of course, I don't mean that I am not satisfied with this arrangement lah, I will definitely do my best one. Not to let the whole family down, yes whole family, and also myself lah... Right now, I am designing the company logo and the layout of some documents. My father had asked me to do the company stamp and it went wrong for 2 times! The stamps are made in a way it is fixed and cannot subject to amendment, this means that I had 1 extra bad size chop and 1 extra bad layout chop for nothing! Now is the third time doing it, think should not have any problem liao ba...

Just find it funny and a sweet thing about my mum here... Because daddy is using her name also to open up the company, he had to get her to sign the necessary documents. When I asked her daddy got asked her to sign anything, she said yes. Then I asked her, do you know what are you signing for? She reply：“不懂啊，他叫我签我就签啰！” (I don't know, he asked me to sign, so I signed lor.) Then I joked, "that one is to agree that you will give him one million dollar." Haha... Wow... but I really admire her such trust towards daddy... so funny yet sweet. Haha...

(7). Went Back for Singapore Church for a Purpose!?
This is the "second episode" to Point #4. Think it gonna be absolutely very long. Best to put it on the next entry. XD Haha... Okie, shall stop here then. :) Feel like typing a 95% to 100% Chinese blog leh... Haha...

Lieh not Enough~! (Part 2) -- My Commitments, My Life

Main Label: I, Me & Myself

"Oh no... Lieh not enough le... Everybody wants a piece of Lieh! I wish for 8 more Liehs: (1) One for God, (2) One for family, (3) One for friends (and maybe one more for more friends!), (4) One for games! (5) One for gym and be handsome, (6) One to do Great things! (7) One to do all other little things, (8) One to enjoy every beautiful things in the world, (9) And last one just for simply doing nothing! ... ... ... Ok, reserve for girl friend lah!"

Lieh

(1). God

My God occupies one of the largest portion of my life. Not trying to be "spiritual", but I kind of started "searching God" when I was in primary school. Since then, parts and pieces of my life involves this element of God. Currently there are so many questions in my mind about God, His Unconditional Love, and the Free Will which He freely will for us... Such questions are tough and at times, uncomfortable, up to the extent that I will say my brain is going to burst~! Yet nevertheless, such questions are never harmful as it may seem to be. I do enjoy the process of such thoughts, or I currently call it "my spiritual warfare", or "battling of the mind". The fact is, regardless of the hard part, I can still get some inspirations~! This is my version / style of "seeking the Lord".

(2). Family
Yes, my family is definitely one of the most important element in my life. "I love my family~!" I would say. However, there are times I do realize that I don't know how to love them effectively, and maybe perfectly. Neither their loves for me is the one that I seek and desire. What do I mean by to love effectively & perfectly? It is to love one in a way the person wants to love and be loved. To love someone perfectly is difficult, almost impossible. At times, I couldn't help to think that "perfection" is an illusion. Or to illustrate better, "perfection" is an ever on-going event that you can say that it has no end.

One desire that I have, is to love my parents and sisters and their families effectively. To know them better, to understand their needs and meet those needs. However, this is never a simple task... And this definitely will take whole lot of me to do that of which at times, I am not willing to give in, to give up my certain things just for that, you know.

(3). Friends
Yup, yup, and more friends~! Friends from primary school, secondary school, Poly, MDIS, Church -- CG, ex-CG, Usher Ministry, miscellaneous friends, ex-colleagues, sis' friends, and a very few of friends' friends. Actually, to confess, I am really a shy guy who seldom initiate a conversation with strangers. But my heart is always welcoming new friends. So I really appreciate people who will initiate a conversation with me (conditions apply, oops). What conditions? E.g. Insurance or financial planner who asks you for "a short survey" that kind...

However, there was this moment of my life that I felt so lonely. Although I have many friends as I claimed that, there are times friends are not available when you need them. Yes, some friends will be there for you when you are hurt, just broke up in relationship, severe quarrel with parents, etc. etc. But what I mean is the moment when you just come back from school or work, then you got to travel, got to eat, etc. These are the moment you are left alone when you don't have friends who stay near to you. There are times I gotta eat alone and this is a trouble when I am eating during the peak hour! Yup, no seats and no one help you to jaga your belongings!

Then as I know more of God & Jesus, my inner attitude began to change... (Though I sounded like I am giving testimony and witnessing the Lord Jesus Christ and the Christianity, I am really just saying my heart out. I am not really interested in giving Jesus testimony and witnessing for the time being of my life, I just wanna tell the truth of my heart.) And with God who brought in more friends to me that I came into the situation that I were so busy with friendsss that eventually I yearned for a time to be left alone, so that I can have times for myself~! Haha... Ironic and funny? And that was the time I realized that I really need times for myself, and myself only. I also came into a revelation that:-

"When you are lone, you're alone with God."

Lieh

And this especially true when you know the God that I know; when the God you know will actually respond~!; when you are sensitive to God~! :) :D

There are times when my friends ask me out but I am not free due to other commitments. I felt bad and pity that I can't join them. And this can really result in "lost contact" one. One thing I realized in my life is that, my family and my friends will organize events at the same day! This isn't really that "coincidence" because those day are usually special days (such as Father's & Mother's Day) and public holidays. Don't know why, I always choose to stay with family when such choices occur. There are exceptions of course. Another situation I felt bad with friends is when they invite me for their wedding dinner. I attended some but rejected some too. There are times I felt some "low self-esteem" in me that I don't feel like meeting people to update my life with them. And the more realistic problem is because of the distance and time taken for the travel. Most of my friends are in Singapore but I stay in JB. Because of all these inner and external issues, I rejected some of my friends' wedding dinner. And I felt real bad for not been able to bless them, witness and celebrate such glorious and memorable moment of their life.

I really wish I can have more quality time, and $$$ to spend with my friends. But really, friendships also need "maintenance". Those closest friends don't need much maintenance, but most friends still need it. You shouldn't be so surprised when someone invents "Friendship Management". In the market, there should have something known as "Relationship Management" already. I think it should have covered that too...

(4). Games!!!
Yeah~! Game is really one of the major element of my life~! One of the easiest way to piss off Wei Lieh, is to tell him straight to his eyes "you shouldn't play game..." !!! I tell you, I'll mark you if you tell me this. Hahaha~~~

In the past whenever I told God, "God, I want to play game." God's response is always the same, He said to me, "you can play game, but provided that you need to know how to control it." The reason why I told God that I want to play game is because at that time, I was much "church-focus", which means I spent a lot of time in church, CG, fellowship and ministries that I had not much time for myself to play game. So I was "hinting" God that, "God, you see? I am so focus in Your Kingdom that I don't have time for myself." God knows me definitely and He is aware of what will happen to me when I started playing game. And that's why He said that to me.

True enough, whenever I started a game, especially Role Playing Game (RPG), I tend to have a deep desire to finish them off at one shot. To finish the game until very end, until I have completed every tasks in the game that it ever provides, and until the credits roll up, and reach the final screen of the two words "The End'... And this means that I will ignore to do many other things, except eat, sleep and bath, and then just to give myself a quality and quantity of time to play game! And I will feel being agitated when I am interrupted while playing game... I guess this is the same as when other big boys watching soccer? Anyways, I am never a big fan of soccer.

One thing I realized in my life is that, actually I will not treat playing some online mini games, puzzle games and board games as "playing game". But rather, I treat those games as "killing my time" event. I.e., when I am stuck in a situation that I can only "wait" due to certain factors, so I have this time of waiting, this time to "kill", I will play those games... To me "playing game" is really to play a RPG game. To me, a RPG is like a story book or a movie , but more than a story book or a movie because of the high interaction points, where I am much involved in the story, it is like I am the main character, going through what the character is going. Playing a RPG to me, is like going onto a brand new adventure~! In a world of fantasy, world of magic and stuff.

In the past few years, I would actually hesitated to start a RPG, or an adventure, because of high commitment, i.e. time and effort to start and finish off this adventure. I wanted to change that. So I thought of doing other things first before I start a brand new RPG. And I will put "I want to play (RPG) game" as my core motivation to finish off all the other stuff that I have been accumulated, you know, so that I can have my quality time for my big adventure! Haha...

Sigh, but things are not going so smoothly as I planned. Whenever I tried to do something, problems will arise... resulting in frustration and stuff. When all in my mind is as clear as my core motivation, - "finish all these things then I can start a RPG, and have my new beginning." I was angry... when I tried to solve a CCTV problems, more problems pop up! When I touch computers, computers can spoil out of no where! Then I couldn't help to have a revelation that: "I cannot touch IT stuff", or "I am not fated with IT stuff"! But from another point of view, I am also considering to take up an IT course, because all those problems appears to me as "calling" or "sign and wonder"! Haha...

Because of all those frustrating issue, I tried to cool myself down by watch DVDs... And that's the time I watched a Final Fantasy XII DVD, a compilation of the game, Final Fantasy XII by Square Enix. I knew that I will not have the quality time to play this game in near future, so I thought of buying the DVD to watch and to know the story first before I can find the time to let me enjoy this game. But I was wrong.... After watching the DVD, I AM SO MUCH INSPIRED by it that I am so eager to start playing the game! After certain periods of "struggling" between "to play, or not to play", the desire prevails the problem solving... Yes, finally, after 2 years of its debut, I started playing my long waited favorite RPG, Final Fantasy XII~! I forego my previous plan of finishing other stuffs first before I start my new adventures!

Oops... you may think that I am not a determined person who gives up easily. Or you may think that I don't have much patience. Well let me assure you with this, I am one of the most determined person you can ever meet and I am definitely one of your top 10 most patience guy you can ever know as a friend~! ;) Haha...

Because of the "one thousand and one thing" to-do-list, with the "out of nowhere"-cum-"pattern-liao-liao" problems, also having a great desire to play the game, I finally come into a conclusion or revelation that my life being a Shaoyeah, still stands firmly! I am not suitable to fix stuff like IT, accomplishing tasks, solving problems, because they will "multiply" and multiply "rapidly"! But what a typical Shaoyeah can do, is to enjoy life, enjoy everything that he enjoys, as for my case, playing game! Fair enough, true enough, as I turn on my long rested Playstation2 (PS2), it doesn't go haywire, except that it is a little slow. This is a conflict as my previous stand of "not fated with IT stuff"! Haha...

I am not sure about you if you are in my situation... Come on... when you try to do something great, try to do solve some problems, but the issues do not resolve in an expected manner, and to add, more problems ensue from that directly and indirectly. Then, as you do the things you love and the things you always want to enjoy, it goes PERFECTLY alright. What will you do? What's your decision? What will you choose to do? Will you carry on dwelling with problems or jump out of them and do things that tend to go smoothly with the bonus that you actually enjoy doing that? Do I get some same thoughts as mine? Or do I get some surprising answer as "I will continue to solve those problems and forego my leisure and entertainment"? Truly, if you have the attitude of carry on solving problems, you are the person that I will want to meet in my life with top priority! So please come and meet me and solve all my problems~! Thankz alot ya!

Aiya... actually my original intention is to telling off all the 9 Liehs. But can only end at No.4, Game. Because there are really got a lot to tell man... Haha... Anyway, shall continue again. Read on~! Shall update real soon... heh heh...