Life Update
Woohoo~! I hadn't been fasting for more than 3 years. But recently, I... fasted "just like that"! Am really really glad and with that kind of abundance joy, I couldn't wait to blog it down! Indeed, words cannot describe how I feel...
~ Being the Devil ~
Haha... The first paragraph is only an status update... Now I wanted to write down my down feelings... Recently a bad thing happened to me... I was like "being the devil", I felt so so sad & angry over this issue. It had been like a month already... I could still feel the hurt, and such is indeed a "daily hurt" to me now. But everyday, when I think that I could still feel the effect from the issue, I also know that the person whom I hurt the most, too, may have feel the pain too. I am really really, terribly sorry for the damage that I did upon the person. I will continue to wait for your forgiveness. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." And I truly treasure the friendship between you...
Your words cut me deep. But I know that I hurt you too. You say, "you did it again!" I was really speechless. You were right, from your point of view, "I did it again." But from my side... sigh... I totally regret what I did, and I definitely learned a great lesson here. All I ever wish now, is to restore back our "special" friendship, and I promise, I promise I will not make any stupid mistake of gossiping & MISTRUST. Definitely, I will not fall into the trap of mistrust anymore.
You asked, "What kind of Christian are you?" You know, you're the first person who actually said that to me. The hurt is unexplainable. Things were not mean like this... But still, maybe you did sounded the alarm bell for me in my Christianity walk. Maybe... maybe this is one of the reasons that contribute to my fasting action...
Indeed, just amazed by the statement from my Pastor, he always say, "it takes years to build up the trust, but only take one stupid mistake to collapse the whole thing." Well, that's the strength of trust, mutual trust, and that's where the weaknesses lie too. I learned it, I totally regret it, and I hope you can gimme your final, final chance on me. I promise, I promise and I promise I will respect you as a very close & special friend.
"Forgiveness & re-trust, is all I ever asking from you now..."
~ The Lost of A Great Mother - My Grandma （外婆）~
I wanted to blog this down, but was delayed and delayed and delayed... Until now, I forgot what I want to say about it. Well... We all believe that she left us for good. For the condition that she suffered... I felt bad sometimes. About 2 years ago, 阿公 left us. It was really an unexpected event for all of us, even though the "signs" were there. But all of us were "lack of experience" to sense that. Ever since the lost, Grandma has become a totally different person in her physics and looks. She was so weak...
Then about 1 year ago, her only (younger) sister left too. We call her "Yee-po" （姨婆）one. Before Yee-po left, we also made a visit to her. The first time I looked at her, I really could not recognize her, I didn't even sure its her, until San-yee (三姨）asked us to call her, then I opened my mouth and called... Not long after... we received the news... The whole family didn't want to inform grandma about this. But somehow, deep down, it seemed that she knew...
But anyways, everything is alright now. She left us in peace and with great blessings! That's what the Chinese believe. ;)
~ Back to Fasting & God ~
After the issue of "being devil", God had been very good to me... He was there to comfort me, told me to lift up this whole issue upon Him and stuff like that. He always provide "word of seasons" or "word of 'just-in-time'" for me. We were talking about "team", and there were one Service, Pastor Kong ended the sermon with a short story about Michael Jordon. He said, reporters commented, "having Michael Jordon in your team is like having God in your team." Pastor then add, "God can be in your team too." I was greatly encouraged by the statement. And now I believe that "God is in my team". Ahaha...
The next great thing that God provided for me, was the opportunity to fast! I used to have the habit of fasting when I was very active in Church back then. Somehow, I was really excited about fasting. Ever since when "Fasting" was taught by my leader (Janice Seow) in Bible Study, I couldn't wait to fast!!! I could still remember the very first time of my fasting experience... :)
Anyways, a side story. Recently I happened to know 2 very very close friends in gym. Shall talk about them more next time. The point I want to make here is, I somehow told one of them, Jojo about my desire to fasting... Can't really sure why I brought this up to her, maybe I was too comfortable with her... or maybe I knew that she fasts too.
So as I told her, she encouraged me and shared with me the stuff about fasting. She told me she believed in me that I could find the chance to fast again. Nether did I know, the chance could come so fast! Thank you my dear friend, thank you for believing in me. :D
I went to the Service last week (29th Nov 2009), Pastor Kong told us that he was in the midst of fasting, and he would break his 21 days fast on 30th November. And somehow, my chance to fast started on the first day of December, i.e. the next day after he broke fast.
Generally, I fast for 8am to 8pm, 12 hours. I allow myself to drink water, plain water only. Kind of a "simple fasting" for me. And it is "convenience" too. Haha... But still, I assure you, this is not an easy task at all! You gotta go through the time of "lunch time but no lunch", "dinner time but no dinner", these are the time you will feel very much starvation to the extent that my hand would shake because of physical weakness. And the constant feel of hunger is no joke! And to me, the greater challenge is, to avoid letting my family knows about it. Because they may not think what I think, and they will strongly against it. So... :( I choose not to tell them for now.
Usually, the very first 3 days of fasting are the most difficult period, your body is at the stage of "getting used to it". I experienced a very strong "hand shake" during the 3rd day. But after the 3 days, the effect of hunger was not so strong already. It was kind of like "getting used" to it already... :)
On the 4th day of my fasting, I saw Pastor Kong posted a "note" titled "The Power of Fasting" in Facebook. I couldn't wait to read. And after reading, once again, I was greatly encouraged & inspired. To me, this is like another "word of season / word of 'just-in-time' " from my God again. Now, I was so so happy regardless of the stuff that I am going through now. :D I really thank God for everything! Anyway, this is the link for the article (both links lead to the same article):
http://www.facebook.com/notes/kong-hee/the-power-of-fasting/196460945684
http://www.konghee.com/www/2009/12/power-of-fasting/
During fasting, I always try to submit myself totally to God, i.e. extremely obedience. I will listen to what the Voice say and be ready to obey. During those period of seldom going to Church, no fasting, etc, my pride (the negative, bad pride) has risen. This is the result of the increase in my selfishness, anger problem and etc. That's why, I wanted to fast to "humble myself before God", that's the biblical purpose for fasting. To me, lack of humility is the root of selfishness and anger problem. Because it is all the bad & negative pride, you only think for yourself, and don't think on other peoples' perspective.
I really don't want to be a selfish person. I always wanted to tell everyone, this:
In addition, I don't have so much anger problem in the past, I mean I can control my emotion well, every friends see me as a nice person without getting angry... Though, I do get angry sometimes, and my anger usually subsides quickly. But not now recently, especially in this year, I lost control many times already... :( I was thinking, maybe the issue is something that really matters to me, that's why I get angry easily. But nevertheless, I will not let this be an excuse to face my anger problem / management.
I always want to fast to humble myself before God, and nothing else, that's the sole purpose of fasting. But immediately, God would tell me to fast for something else. I told God, I will fast solely on the purpose of self-humble. But God would say "that's enough". And He wants me to do something else, and He will remind me these 2 key words -- "Total submission" or "Absolute obedience", and so I gotta obey. This time round, God wanted me to fast for "Forgiveness". First, asking forgiveness from Him, and second, "Forgiveness" from people whom I hurt recently. And so I did... :)
I had been fasted for 8 days. And I really liking it. I truly wish I can keep up with the habit of fasting. I love fasting, but still, that doesn't mean it is always easy for me. It is very very tough to fast... Really. During fasting, I would always think that "I don't want to fast!" But still, as I remembered the purpose for my fasting, I would get back the desire & drive to carry on, no matter what... I really thankful to God for what he has been doing for me. :D
~ Being the Devil ~
Haha... The first paragraph is only an status update... Now I wanted to write down my down feelings... Recently a bad thing happened to me... I was like "being the devil", I felt so so sad & angry over this issue. It had been like a month already... I could still feel the hurt, and such is indeed a "daily hurt" to me now. But everyday, when I think that I could still feel the effect from the issue, I also know that the person whom I hurt the most, too, may have feel the pain too. I am really really, terribly sorry for the damage that I did upon the person. I will continue to wait for your forgiveness. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." And I truly treasure the friendship between you...
Your words cut me deep. But I know that I hurt you too. You say, "you did it again!" I was really speechless. You were right, from your point of view, "I did it again." But from my side... sigh... I totally regret what I did, and I definitely learned a great lesson here. All I ever wish now, is to restore back our "special" friendship, and I promise, I promise I will not make any stupid mistake of gossiping & MISTRUST. Definitely, I will not fall into the trap of mistrust anymore.
You asked, "What kind of Christian are you?" You know, you're the first person who actually said that to me. The hurt is unexplainable. Things were not mean like this... But still, maybe you did sounded the alarm bell for me in my Christianity walk. Maybe... maybe this is one of the reasons that contribute to my fasting action...
Indeed, just amazed by the statement from my Pastor, he always say, "it takes years to build up the trust, but only take one stupid mistake to collapse the whole thing." Well, that's the strength of trust, mutual trust, and that's where the weaknesses lie too. I learned it, I totally regret it, and I hope you can gimme your final, final chance on me. I promise, I promise and I promise I will respect you as a very close & special friend.
"Forgiveness & re-trust, is all I ever asking from you now..."
~ The Lost of A Great Mother - My Grandma （外婆）~
I wanted to blog this down, but was delayed and delayed and delayed... Until now, I forgot what I want to say about it. Well... We all believe that she left us for good. For the condition that she suffered... I felt bad sometimes. About 2 years ago, 阿公 left us. It was really an unexpected event for all of us, even though the "signs" were there. But all of us were "lack of experience" to sense that. Ever since the lost, Grandma has become a totally different person in her physics and looks. She was so weak...
Then about 1 year ago, her only (younger) sister left too. We call her "Yee-po" （姨婆）one. Before Yee-po left, we also made a visit to her. The first time I looked at her, I really could not recognize her, I didn't even sure its her, until San-yee (三姨）asked us to call her, then I opened my mouth and called... Not long after... we received the news... The whole family didn't want to inform grandma about this. But somehow, deep down, it seemed that she knew...
But anyways, everything is alright now. She left us in peace and with great blessings! That's what the Chinese believe. ;)
~ Back to Fasting & God ~
After the issue of "being devil", God had been very good to me... He was there to comfort me, told me to lift up this whole issue upon Him and stuff like that. He always provide "word of seasons" or "word of 'just-in-time'" for me. We were talking about "team", and there were one Service, Pastor Kong ended the sermon with a short story about Michael Jordon. He said, reporters commented, "having Michael Jordon in your team is like having God in your team." Pastor then add, "God can be in your team too." I was greatly encouraged by the statement. And now I believe that "God is in my team". Ahaha...
The next great thing that God provided for me, was the opportunity to fast! I used to have the habit of fasting when I was very active in Church back then. Somehow, I was really excited about fasting. Ever since when "Fasting" was taught by my leader (Janice Seow) in Bible Study, I couldn't wait to fast!!! I could still remember the very first time of my fasting experience... :)
Anyways, a side story. Recently I happened to know 2 very very close friends in gym. Shall talk about them more next time. The point I want to make here is, I somehow told one of them, Jojo about my desire to fasting... Can't really sure why I brought this up to her, maybe I was too comfortable with her... or maybe I knew that she fasts too.
So as I told her, she encouraged me and shared with me the stuff about fasting. She told me she believed in me that I could find the chance to fast again. Nether did I know, the chance could come so fast! Thank you my dear friend, thank you for believing in me. :D
I went to the Service last week (29th Nov 2009), Pastor Kong told us that he was in the midst of fasting, and he would break his 21 days fast on 30th November. And somehow, my chance to fast started on the first day of December, i.e. the next day after he broke fast.
Generally, I fast for 8am to 8pm, 12 hours. I allow myself to drink water, plain water only. Kind of a "simple fasting" for me. And it is "convenience" too. Haha... But still, I assure you, this is not an easy task at all! You gotta go through the time of "lunch time but no lunch", "dinner time but no dinner", these are the time you will feel very much starvation to the extent that my hand would shake because of physical weakness. And the constant feel of hunger is no joke! And to me, the greater challenge is, to avoid letting my family knows about it. Because they may not think what I think, and they will strongly against it. So... :( I choose not to tell them for now.
Usually, the very first 3 days of fasting are the most difficult period, your body is at the stage of "getting used to it". I experienced a very strong "hand shake" during the 3rd day. But after the 3 days, the effect of hunger was not so strong already. It was kind of like "getting used" to it already... :)
On the 4th day of my fasting, I saw Pastor Kong posted a "note" titled "The Power of Fasting" in Facebook. I couldn't wait to read. And after reading, once again, I was greatly encouraged & inspired. To me, this is like another "word of season / word of 'just-in-time' " from my God again. Now, I was so so happy regardless of the stuff that I am going through now. :D I really thank God for everything! Anyway, this is the link for the article (both links lead to the same article):
http://www.facebook.com/notes/kong-hee/the-power-of-fasting/196460945684
http://www.konghee.com/www/2009/12/power-of-fasting/
During fasting, I always try to submit myself totally to God, i.e. extremely obedience. I will listen to what the Voice say and be ready to obey. During those period of seldom going to Church, no fasting, etc, my pride (the negative, bad pride) has risen. This is the result of the increase in my selfishness, anger problem and etc. That's why, I wanted to fast to "humble myself before God", that's the biblical purpose for fasting. To me, lack of humility is the root of selfishness and anger problem. Because it is all the bad & negative pride, you only think for yourself, and don't think on other peoples' perspective.
I really don't want to be a selfish person. I always wanted to tell everyone, this:
"Everyone is selfish, but I happen to be the least selfish one."And I can even say this:
"If a person say 'you're selfish', actually he/she is the one who is really selfish. A selfless person will never comment anyone who is being selfish, because with his/her character, 'selfish' is never a word appear in his/her dictionary."That is why, I always restrain myself from commenting people being selfish, because that will only reflect my own selfishness. But recently... I commented people being selfish... This is so not me... I felt so bad for my action. I really don't want to be this kind of person... :( And really,
"How you see others, is how you see yourself."Therefore, we really gotta be wise & think twice, three-times before we comment or judge about people. That's why, I always don't talk bad things about people. Ahaha... And I always try to look at the bright side of the hill, trying to find the good points and strength in people. ;)
In addition, I don't have so much anger problem in the past, I mean I can control my emotion well, every friends see me as a nice person without getting angry... Though, I do get angry sometimes, and my anger usually subsides quickly. But not now recently, especially in this year, I lost control many times already... :( I was thinking, maybe the issue is something that really matters to me, that's why I get angry easily. But nevertheless, I will not let this be an excuse to face my anger problem / management.
I always want to fast to humble myself before God, and nothing else, that's the sole purpose of fasting. But immediately, God would tell me to fast for something else. I told God, I will fast solely on the purpose of self-humble. But God would say "that's enough". And He wants me to do something else, and He will remind me these 2 key words -- "Total submission" or "Absolute obedience", and so I gotta obey. This time round, God wanted me to fast for "Forgiveness". First, asking forgiveness from Him, and second, "Forgiveness" from people whom I hurt recently. And so I did... :)
I had been fasted for 8 days. And I really liking it. I truly wish I can keep up with the habit of fasting. I love fasting, but still, that doesn't mean it is always easy for me. It is very very tough to fast... Really. During fasting, I would always think that "I don't want to fast!" But still, as I remembered the purpose for my fasting, I would get back the desire & drive to carry on, no matter what... I really thankful to God for what he has been doing for me. :D
