Season Greetings: A Home-Brewed Poem - Marry My Merry Mary Merrily

Main Label: Home-brewed Poem

Oh... erm... a poem inspired when I was trying to "suan" a friend of mine, but in the end, I came out this poem. Haha... I created this like last year, near Christmas. Oh gosh~! I can't believe it! It has been a year already~! Everything seems "still the same" to me. No going up, nor going down. But really, there're things going down, if you're not going up! Anyways, that is not the topic here, but my greetings for everyone~!

~ Wei Lieh - Adrian, the Creative Mind - JB Shaoyeah - Lieh-Ger ~

here to wish you a Really, Merry, Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year
May abundance Love & Joy & Peace be with you always!
God Loves you, so am I!

Marry My Merry Mary Merrily

1. Mary, Mary, merry Mary,

You’re my lovely merry Mary.

2. Mary, Mary, merry Mary,

You’re very merry

That I want to marry.

3. Mary, Mary, merry Mary,
I want to spend my Christmas with you, my merry Mary
So that I have a merry, merry Christmas

4. Mary, Mary, merry Mary,
I just want to marry merry Mary
So that I have a merrily merry marriage

5. Mary, Mary, merry Mary,
Oh, I have met many Mary (in the Bible)
Mother Mary, Martha Mary, Mary Madeline
I may not merry.

6. Mary, Mary, merry Mary,
There are very many Mary
Money Mary, cherry Mary, busy Mary, macho Mary
Nor I marry.

7. I just want my merry Mary!
Oh, Mary, Mary, my merry Mary,
Make me merry, so that I can marry, and I will merry.

8. Mary, Mary, my merry Mary,
Where is my merry Mary that I can marry?

9. Mary, Mary, my merry Mary,
I just want to marry my merry Mary merrily.

10. Mary, Mary, my merry Mary,
Oh, I have not met my merry Mary that I can marry...

A merry, merry Christmas, to my many merry friendsss.

If you have not found your merry Mary that you can marry,

Don't worry, be merry!

If you have married your merry Mary,

Spend your merry Christmas with your merry Mary,

and you better make your Mary merry, or she will seek other to marry!

Just Want To Give Another Long Update

Main Label: Life Update

Well, was "busy" again that I had not been updating this blog. XP The followings are what I wanted to say...

1. Asia Conference !!!
Yeah~! Now then talk about it... Was definitely glad that I use the whole of that Sunday for Asia Conference. I was late for the morning session, ended up sitting in the overflowing area. Then met CG for lunch and thought that got some free time after lunch, but nope. Nicole, Eliz, Meiyan and I went for the queue immediately after lunch. Well, we missed the lunch session with Dr. A.R. Bernard. The queue was long and squeeze-y, but not that boring though. Then finally able to sit in for the night session. Yang Yit (YY) and Ming Kai (MK) had chopped the seats for us. And then we had the Manhunt and Miss Pageant thing... I missed the result thing because I was queuing for the toilet! Yeah~! It was a rare scene that men's toilet needed a queue, long queue!

After I missed the result, it was finally the time for the final session for the Asia Conference! I was real glad that I stayed for this session. During the Praise & Worship, I realized that the lightings were so bright and beautiful! While singing the worship song, my mind was dreaming off of my wonderful idea of worshiping God; my mouth was singing, but my brain was dreaming. Then that's the time, somehow Holy Spirit made a "switch" on my head or something, suddenly my mind was like "opened" and immediately I came into the realm, the Presence of God where I could sing with heart touched and tears flowing down... The Presence of God was once again, strong~! I simply love this Presence of God.

Oh yeah~! I pre-ordered the Asia Conference DVD! Oh, btw, the Benny Hinn was a big news! and erm... a big topic for gossip too. Haha... Wonder how will I react if I was in the session... Some of my friends had concluded that the "certain part" by him will be "cut off", or taken out from the DVD... Sigh... That's the big difference between going to the Conference LIVE and watching the DVD. Duh...

2. The Stress of Building Fund: Money-not-enough... and no, not really.
The moment of pledging the Building Fund, is the moment of "full faith" and "full confidence" and "fully emotional" and etc. It was when my mind had calm down, had come back to once again the reality, that's when the moment I could feel the "stress" of giving money... :( I calculated the amount with the expectation that someone will return me the money owed. But he... delayed... That's the time, I was affected. Nevertheless, I did standby plan for such situation. I.e. converted my Ringgit Malaysia (RM) Savings into Singapore Dollar (SGD). But this is no joke! -- the exchange rate was a killer. I converted RM1,200 for only SGD500! Do you know how much Rm1,200 is? And do you know how little SGD500 is? I feel so stressed now... my friend commented that: "这样才可以感觉到痛／the pressure of Building Fund吗..." True lah... But still...

The truth is... until now, I had only fulfilled 1/3 of my November pledging... If the person didn't return me the money... I am gonna lose a lot of RM Savings! My heart is vomitting blood now! And now is the season of celebrations... Weddings, Birthdays and Christmas! I still spent some money for birthday gifts, wedding ang bao, birthday love offerings... Oh, the Asia Conference's offering, because it was meant for the poor and needy. I gave quite a blood-vomiting amount again~! And there's this Popular Mega Sales or something here in JB, I spend some money for DVD and books... Because, the sales was "so cheap!" Other than that, I still bought a lot of other DVD titles... One of it was the "十兄弟"!!! Hahaha... Erm... I actually like this series! Haha... oh, and forgetting not my medical report -- blood and urine test, and not to mention that I paid RM200 for the report that tells me bad news~~ :(

So Building fund and spending and spending... But somehow, the truth for now is, I still got some $$$ in my bank~! I am not that broke afterall... Haha... That's the "blessings of the Lord" I guess... I am not in lack I guess? But still again, I have not fulfilled my intended 75% of Building Fund for the first month! I really gotta stop spending whole lot of money and I really wanna make a big fullstop going to Singapore! Because that's my major spending area. Everything that was double cost to me because of the exchange rate... But what can I do? Now is December leh, an eventful month... Just realised that there's this Candlelight Service, and Christmas (and Eve) Service, both are different things... Really wanna go for these 2. And there's this Countdown and CG Appreciation at end of December... And I really don't wanna go for this... :( Passport's available pages are getting less... "Argh~~~!"

I feel heart pain... looking at my Bank's saving amount diminishing... I always wanted to save money... but everytime I saved some, it then come the Building Fund. My mind always think that "don't give too much." But when the "inspiration" or "confirmation" come, I left no other amount to give... I am not complaining about Building Fund. I know I had the choice of "to give, or not to give". And I chose to give. And the fact is, in my mind, I cannot imagine if I didn't commit for the building fund. It is plain empty. The moment I think that "if I don't participate for the building fund...", it is plain empty, nothing can continue after the phrase. And I can simply think nothing at all. That's one of the main reason, or drive (motivation) for me to commit for this building fund again, regardless of my faith situation, this is a significant reason / motivation.

I once told a friend of mine, and she pointed out that, "since your faith is not in the Lord already, why give to the building fund?" Well, I didn't tell her the perfect answer for this question, but it was stated in my previous statement: "I cannot imagine (anything) if I don't give to the building fund."

For now, what I am lack of doing is, to come out a plan and to calculate those $$$., including tithes matter as well. And also come out some backup plan or ideas like that... And also, really hope that I shall not spend so much for now. I really wish this... I really do not want to draw out $$$ from my Malaysia bank account liao. I wanna cry out loud~! *cry*

3. Lost of my precious (and maybe not so precious) Nintendo Dual Screen (NDS) Lite
Before blessings come in... I already lost something precious in the midst of this money spending season. I left my NDS after working out in the gym. *cry* I only realized it the moment I got home, parked my car, turned off the engine, then my mind became clear:"where is my NDS?" / "I don't think I brought back my NDS." The moment I came into the living room, I checked my bag. But that was the time, my mum talked to me and asked me, “二姐还没有去韩国啊，她刚刚打来。” Sorry, I lost my temper and raised my voice and answered, “我不懂！” This was the second time she asked me, she had asked me before in the day time. So my mind was thinking, "I really don't know, why you keep asking me. And you could tell me that she just called, why don't you ask her yourself?" So I was angry... because all I wanted to do that moment, was to search my bag for NDS. But the usual me... the moment I raised voice and replied, I already felt bad and regret...

Well, I couldn't find the NDS. So I called to the gym centre and had the person helped me. Think he was passionate to help too. But too bad, no good news. The next morning, I quickly went down to check again for myself, but no avail... :( So I here by announced that I had lost my bought-not-more-than-6-months-NDS-Lite. *cry out loud*~!

The guy who helped me was quite steady, he asked me not to worry and said that gotta wait for a few days... he was responsible for the "Lost & Found" records. And he told me that there were cases that stuff was lost and was found few days later... So I still got some hope lah...

Actually, the moment I knew that I lost the NDS, I wasn't that sad... One thing that I am not satisfied with the purchase of this NDS was, not long after the purchase I saw an article about a brand new model of NDS! To me, everytime is like that. The moment I bought certain gadget, that new version of gadget will come out not long after my purchase. My sis and I went to buy PSP that time was the same thing. We bought the fat PSP, and not long after, they came out the PSP Slim/Lite. We only found it "lucky"/"heng~ ar"/庆幸 is that, we bought the limited edition GOLD colour PSP. My sis always wanted black colour stuff, but luckily, we chose the gold colour PSP instead, otherwise, the fat PSP really got no value man!

So actually, the moment I knew that I lost the NDS, my mind was saying "nevermind, I can get a new one, the new model in the future." So it wasn't that bad afterall... It is only like “越想就越伤心” like that, "the more I think about it, the more I feel sad", then I began to feel so sad about it lor. But what can I do? I did all I could to try to find it back already... Ai... it was so new... not more than 6 months...

Actually, this was the second time that I lost the NDS. The first time was also in the gym... I realized that I lost it when I was in the locker room, so I immediately went back to the treadmills to look for it, an old uncle was using the machine that I used before. I went there to look for it. His body language was kind of rude, he was like "ooi", and pointed the NDS on the machine, and he seemed impatient... He was running then. But I felt such a relief and I thanked him. He didn't smile nor said anything. I took back my NDS and left... But this time... not that lucky anymore... I only realized it the moment I got home...

The usual me will do a feedback or study or reflect when bad things happened or I made a mistake... I figured out the reasons that contributed to the lost of NDS were as followed:-
1. The NDS was in black colour.
When I bought the NDS, the choices for nice colour aren't that much. White colour looks like iPod, other colours were like "erm..." like that. So I chose black colour in the end. But the colour was so easily "camouflage" to the machines like that. I tell you, if the colour was not in black, it could really help for me not to miss it or neglected it. But other colours are not that nice...

2. Too much gadgets and stuff.
I carry too many gadgets to gym, to go and do cardio... 1. Handphone, 2. MP3 player, 3. handheld game. My pockets are always full... Not only that, I also carried gloves, towel, locker keys... see? So many things.

3. Don't have a bag to carry everything
Actually, I did have a bag that I kept my gloves. But it was a little too small to keep those gadgets inside. so not enough space to put in games, handphone and MP3 player. I was thinking, if I could get myself a slightly bigger bag, big enough to keep those stuff, it will be good. But then, toooo late for now... :( It could have helped.

4. Have not getting used to go to gym
Well, this is another problem that linked to other stuff also. Until now, I have not been getting used my "working out" lifestyle. I always got distracted by something, that resulted I can only go to gym like once a week like that. I really feel frustrated at times.

5. My mind was not clear
Many stuff stuck in my head, many things that I wanted to "voice out", etc. etc. I wasn't focusing and stuff like that.

So all the point can only summarized into one word: "careless" ><:; My sis just said that I had given someone a Christmas present~! What a way to put it man~! Haha... Wonder who is the lucky guy/gal. Hah!

Dear God, I am not giving up the hope that I can still get back my NDS. I pray that the whoever is holding my NDS will return it to the Clark Hatch counter. However, if there is a purpose for my NDS to be gone, I pray that You will bless the person who is holding it. May it be a surprise from You, let it be his/her Christmas gift like my sis said. If, my NDS can help the person by any ways, or can change his/her life even the slightest manner, I am most willingly to let it happen! God, I am not a hypocrite here to tell You that I don't want Your blessings~! Of course I wanted those blessings~! God, I pray that as I give upon the building fund, please had my blessings back "real soon"! Haha... God You know that I got so many more things to buy and I wanted them badly. God, You never fail to surprise me with new ways. I am here waiting for your surprises again, surprise me! Oh God. Thank You. With name of Jesus, Amen~! Haha...

Church & Stuff Final Episode -- Just Wanna End This Series...

Main Label: Life Update | God & Spirituality | Somewhat Dramatic Life

Hmmm... actually after the Arise & Build 2008 Pledge Day, I had no "desire" to write about it anymore... But I am still writing here just to end this story lor...

Should I say? Pastor Kong's sermon was once again... astonishing~! He lead his sermon to the climax by preaching about "Unusual Response" which was indeed, very daring, risky and also astonished! Nevertheless, because it was the pledging moment, the atmosphere, or the Presence of God was so tense and sensitive that no one would want to disturb or interrupt such moment...

In the beginning of the sermon, he talked about "manifestation" and its highest form, i.e. "Word became flesh" (John 1:14). I was much inspired again because I had never know that "Word became flesh" could have such revelations... Then he stated this:

"It is immoral to put a creature in an environment contrary to its basic nature"

Ps. Kong (02/11/08)

That statement was critical but to me, it was debatable... Anyways, he talked to us about "how to turn word into flesh?" and that's the time, he brought up the "unusual response" message! Oh man~! Once again, I never thought of that too! However, like I said such message was quite risky because "unusual" can be both ways, positive and negative manner. However again, like I said, the Presence of God and the atmosphere was filled with awe and seriousness, though the message could be risky, God was there to "make sure everything gonna be alright". God was there to touch people's heart and desire and stuff. There would have no "spirit of objection" at that moment...

"For every biblical manifestation, there is always first and unusual response."

Ps. Kong (02/11/08)

That was his another excellent revelation. At near end. Pastor also mentioned that "unusual response" was the key to change your usual, routine, unchanging life style or cycle. It is the key to breakthrough! (Breakthrough means "sudden burst of power that takes you from previous point to the next level.") And by that, he brought us onto the very moment of pledging!

~ My Unusual Response ~ | ~ Somewhat Dramatic ~
Ahaha... LOL... Sometimes, I really find it funny how sermons can be so relevant with my current life like that... Pastor talked about "unusual response" which was really an unusual sermon as well... But to my surprise, I also got my very own "unusual response" too... Haha...

First Unusual: Pledge pattern. This was my fourth Building Fund ever since I was in this Church. My first three Building Funds, I pledge in the usual pattern of giving monthly over a period of six month. Mostly, the amount was divided equally over that six months. Meaning, I gave an equal amount every month until the end of the Arise & Build. But this time round, like some weeks ago, I had already decided to give in an "unusual" way. Actually, I wanted to try to give all at once, without spreading the amount for the six months period. This idea of giving was influenced by my decision to "leave Church"... As wanting not to come so often, so I don't want to "give so frequent" also mah... Haha... But it ended up "unusual" lor which was so "in line" with the sermon. Haha... In addition, I decided to give more... so I had decided to give additional amount at the last month of the Building Fund. And that's how I got the pledge pattern: "75% for first month, remaining 25% at last month". And in between, no giving. But actually, I will finish the 25% the moment I got the amount, so no need to wait for last month actually...

Second Unusual: Not much tearing this time round... But instead, during the whole Service, I could feel that I was "trembling" all the time! Especially towards the end of the Service... or the climax atmosphere... This was very unusual to me... I thought I am gonna to cry, but actually I personally knew that I was controlling my tears lah... The intense of His Presence made the whole atmosphere very sensitive... I knew that I could burst into tears easily... The trembling of my heart could tell that... But I was controlling... until the worship songs started, my tears flowed... But with my control, I didn't weep so bitterly that kind, only tears and a little bit of "crying out loud"...

Then I Holy Spirit was like telling me this (in Chinese) “要哭就哭啦。。。” (If you want to cry, then carry on crying...) After hearing that, I wanted to cry out loud, but the "climax" had gone, so I couldn't cry a lot like nobody's business... However one thing that I realized, and couldn't help to say that this is quite relevant... That "the closer you are to the stage, the stronger the Presence of God is". I find it quite true... In the week before this Service, I sat nearer to the stage, floor area, and I cried non-stop! I wanted to stop, I ask God to stop it, but He didn't heed my words... So all I could do, is crying in the Presence of God, in other words too, in His embrace... But last Service, I was sitting in the terrace side, but I could control the tears... just wondering whether this was really got to do with the distance between myself and the center stage...?

Anyways, such crying was like, the "Third Unusual" thing to me... Because I "cried in advance"... before the actual pledge day... To add, after the weeping during Service, the next day, I cried bitterly too while I was driving. (This part of story was written in much details in the Episode 4.) And this was indeed unusual to me. In conclusion, I was thinking, maybe God wants me to response in this way ba...

~ One Thing ~
Pastor had us to simply and only write down one thing at the back fold of the offering envelope... I wrote of course... one thing... one of my life thing... I've thought many things... Indeed, "writing one thing" was obviously not enough... So my mind was thinking, prioritizing and in the end... only that one word became very impressive, all my mind was giving credit to push that word into the top priority... At the moment, this was the only thing I could think of... I was thinking, indeed, this could at the end of the day, help to solve many other questions and problems in my life... I really needed that as I thought... so I wrote: "one thing: Mxxxxxxx"! Well, was kind of embarrass (paiseh) to write it down now... But then later I realized that I was too general with the keyword... Should have be more specific... sigh... God I pray that You know what I want, what I mean. And I know that You will always give me the best answer for me, like You always do. Thank Ya~! In Jesus' name. Amen~! Haha... Thank You God.

~ Usher's Nature ~ | ~ Phyllis' Unusual Response ~
Hmmm... Really thank God that I was still doing usher work eventhough I was not an official usher already... In the morning, I help a friend, Carol Chin Huili actually, to bring her to Church. She called and asked me whether I could go to her house and fetch her, when she found out that I was going into Singapore on Saturday night... Because she just had her leg surgery and she wanted to go to Service to write down the pledge card. She told me while I drove to Church that this time round, she really could feel the "excitement" of pledging and giving to Building Fund regardless her previous number of times of Building Funds... And she said the she was so excited that she couldn't sleep~! And the end result was... I gotta give her morning call!!! *... ... ...* Maybe she gave excuses~! Haha... Joking lah, Chin Huili, don't scold me~~!

After she treated me a drive-through MacDonald breakfast with carpark fees SGD2.60 per entry (on Sunday), we headed to Singapore Expo, driving in from the "back entrance". And this was my first usher work for that day...

Phyllis (Feili) also came to the Service from JB. She was so busy most of the time partly because of her 万香城 Restaurant. But she made an effort to come for today lor... And made the commitment in the Building Fund as well... But she was kind of slow in writing... she sat next to me, while passing the offering bucket, she was still writing something on the envelope... I wanted to wait for her, but... after some waiting, I guess others couldn't wait too, so I gotta pass the offering bucket passing-by her... Felt bad...

Pastor wanted all the offerings (and buckets) to be brought to the stage by ushers because he wanted to pray for it. I think this is very important for those... our offerings and pledge cards to be brought to stage and be prayed about. But Feili's offering envelope was still with her... Just as others... most buckets had reached the stage, I realized that Feili had finished writing hers. With the kind of "usher's nature" and of course, "the attitude of CHC's Usher", I asked her to gimme her offering envelope and helped her to pass to the stage... Well, I thought I could do it... I passed to a security, but he "rejected" me... Just as I wanted to go back to seat, an usher stopped me and pointed to another usher who was having a piled up buckets of offerings! I was released with a gratitude to God, "Thank God!" So I put the envelope into the top bucket and had the usher went to the stage! Haha... "Thank God!" I guessed... that was Feili's "unusual response" afterall... Erm... unusual way of giving offering... Well, she was much different from those who had the usual way of putting offering envelope what... Haha...

~ Lieh-Not-Enough ~
That Sunday, I met 3 different groups of friends... In the morning, I fetched Carol Chin Huili. After Service, helped Mami (Elyn) to buy her "This is Our God" Hillsongs DVD/CD. Then went to River Valley Road to meet CG for lunch. I was a "little" lost way during the journey. And I thought that the place they wanted to go was in front of the Great World City... Only later to realise that it was the 5 Stars Chicken Rice in River Valley Road! Man~! That was one of my favourite food! Of course I knew where it is... After the lunch, I drove back to Carol's house, because I was carrying her chair in my car! Haha... I thought that "just in case we needed it", so I decided to bring her chair along... The chair served as wheelchair for her... She now can't live without it! So must bring back for her. And I don't want to drive around with the chair too! Haha...

After that, met another friend for movie. We watched "The Coffin"... Erm, not really a horror movie, but got a message to tell... Kind of find it funny when Karen Mok said: "I don't want to disturb the wheel." Well, don't feel like telling the movie here and give anymore comments...

Then I went back to JB. Oh... there was a little traffic jam... Anyways, I once again had the "Lieh-not-enough" feeling again... Everybody wants a piece of Lieh again! On Saturday night, I met my sis, Finn actually. We went to her friend's Birthday party. She was invited to cut cake together, because her Birthday was near to her friend. After that, we met another group of her friends... She wanted me to go with her for a lunch on Sunday with her other group of friends, because they wanted to celebrate her Birthday as well. But I rejected her, because I could meet others... At home, my lovely Papa wanted to "chop tree", he had "hinted" us, but too late, I already decided to go to Singapore on Saturday night. What's more, that Sunday's Service was very very important to me! I am so sorry that I gotta forego helping Papa to chop tree... :(

Feel like time not enough, thereby resulting love not enough, effort not enough... On Sunday, certain part of my time was used for driving / transportation too... I figured, recently I had attended the Sunday Services consecutively about 4 times (that makes a month), because of the Building Fund, and I already felt so tired... :( I thought I am not gonna come back next week. But my Poly friends just organized a dinner on the coming Sunday because we got 2 friends' Birthdays to celebrate, although their Birthday had just over... 2nd and 3rd week of October. That time, Minnie, who is also the organizer / initiator of this dinner, had her Psychology course examination. So she couldn't make it to meet up. And she is organizing this dinner now lor, after her exam... So this week, will come into Singapore again...

Then soon... the Church's very own Asia Conference 2008 is coming on the way... From 19th to 23 November. For more details: click here. Guess I can only go for Sunday one... On 22nd November, Saturday night, gonna attend a good friend's wedding dinner... Feel so desired and interested for the Asia Conference, but the timing and venue is not suitable for me. But afterall, I wanted to cut down my commitment in Church too... Then again, I could wait for the CD or DVD for Asia Conference to be published... But again... it gonna cost a lot~! Definitely 3 digits pricing! Hai...

Oh and there's Christmas in December... then, that's... New Year... ... ... Really ain't exciting for gaining one year older leh... Sigh... Year end, October, November and December is always busy for me... Good friends' Birthday all lie in these months... Money not enough ah... Birthday blessings, Wedding blessings, Building Fund commitment, other expenses... And there is a new PSP model coming out~! PSP-3000~!!! It has this accessory called Go!Explore, which is simply a GPS Receiver attachment! I wanted it too~! So that I won't go lost in Singapore again~! Haha...

Wanted to write more... But that's long liao... With much loves and excitement...

Imported Blog Entries (From Blogger) to Multiply

Just trying imported all the blog entries from Blogger to Multiply... And it was done within a minute! Hmmm... Just wonder... is there a need to import here or not??? Haha...

Church & Stuff Episode 4 -- And It Has To Be That Accurate

Main Label: Life Update

Attended the Service this Sunday... My usual CG went to the Saturday Service actually. And it turned out that Wendy,- my CGL, came along with Adelle,- a new friend of N333, David and myself, a total of 4 person attended the Service. I found the seats on floor area again, quite near to the stage actually... It was right behind the Deaf-Ministry area...

To my surprise... Pastor Kong's sermon was "critical" again!

Side track: In fact, most of the time, the sermons from Pastors are very critical to me, as in, the message speaks like directly to me like that! This "phenomenon" occurred to me even when I attended a neighborhood Church when I was in Secondary School... It is like, when I have a particular question in my mind, the next sermon that I am going to listen, will somehow answer that specific question of mine. It is not like... I got lots of questions & doubts, so much that you anyhow say anything, answer anything you will definitely hit one spot like that. It is like God answers the very, specific question of my heart like that... Don't really know how to describe it in an easily understood manner... For example, I was thinking what is sin... then the Service sermon will say something about it, whether it is the main topic, or it is just one point of the sermon like that lor...

OK. Come back to the story... About the sermon... Pastor Kong talked about the CHC-DNA again. He pointed out that the DNA was founded... the DNA's 3 foundational pillars are: (1) the Great Commandment, (2) the Great Commission, and (3) the Cultural Mandate (Kristo Kai Kosmos). The very first point he pointed made me feels that I don't have the DNA afterall... :( However, the Holy Spirit was like telling, "do not judge so early..." In fact, as I listened along, I could still "qualify" myself having that DNA. Ahaha...

~ About the Sermon ~
As Pastor talked about "how Unchurch / "Unchristian" think about the Church?", a research survey regarding that topic, my heart burned, was boiling, and my tear almost ran down, especially he talked about those traditional, former mindset of Christianity from those old spiritual leader... Seriously to say, I personally do not have any bad experience with any "old" mindset Christian, but whenever I think about how their behaviours and stuff had "scared off" people to come to Church, I will be very angry... These people are really like the Pharisees and Scribes in the time of Jesus... I don't know why, whenever I think about such people and eventhough I personally don't know any of such people, I got a strong angry feeling towards them. And every time it is God / Jesus who calm me down...

~ Movie - Finn's Girl ~
I just watched a movie call, Finn's Girl. I bought it because it has my sis's name on it, Finn. So was much interested about this movie. In this movie, the main lead, i.e. Finn had an abortion clinic, and in front of her clinic, got these Christian couple who setup banners saying stuff like, Baby-Killer, Jesus hates abortions and stuff. To my surprise, they even called her house and said this: "Stop killing babies! God will punish you!" And it so happened that it was Finn's 11 years old daughter answered the call and she was definitely scared! But the best part is, Finn was protected by police because there were people wanted to assassin her! In fact, she was gun-shot 2 times in the movie, but she was alright eventually. The movie didn't tell who was behind this assassination, but accordingly, it seems like it was those "Christians" lor...

At some point of my life, I was thinking, why there were Anti-Christians or Anti-Christ. I mean Jesus is sooo good that why would people rather reject Him, His Love, His sacrifice and stuff? Will it not be good just to have "one more friend" in your life? Why people are so skeptical about Jesus? What is so wrong with Jesus that people gotta reject Him? Then I pointed my judgment towards these people... these Christians, or so-called Christians... They were the ones who had shaped the religion call Christian / Christianity. They setup many things to judge people, and judge in the name of Jesus. I think that they are the main culprits for stopping people going to Churches~! To the extend, I would rather say they are the real Anti-Christ! Because they use their own righteousness to shield people away from their Jesus!

But anyways, the above paragraph is rather "raw" or draft... I somehow couldn't get the inspiration to write it perfectly... I need some more thoughts for that... anyways, this is not the point I want to make here... so continue my main story... Haha...

~ Back to "About the Sermon" ~
Then later Pastor talked about something like a visitor commented about the twin girls, he mentioned something like "kiddie porn" (is that the correct spelling?? Cos I didn't know about such things too... Haha...) And then Pastor said that a verse was reminded to him, "to the pure, all things are pure." The exact verse is like this:

"To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled."

Titus 1:15 (NKJV)

The moment Pastor said that, my heart burned with that burning desire again, it was like my heart was boiling, and tears started to flow... But I stopped it immediately... I really don't know the very reason why I teared, there were many things in my mind... Indeed, they are many things running in my head. But I just don't know whether the tears were sad, for injustice, for my own weakness, etc. etc.? I don't know. But all I know is, these words brought me to a climax in my heart...

~ I Guess I Couldn't Wait to Cry, So I Cry Now Lor... ~
That's the 2 parts in the Sermon that touched me greatly - 1. traditional Church mindset and 2. to the pure all things are pure... Then at the near-end of the Service, Pastor had us gave the offering, I didn't give much, only some coins... Like 4 dollars... In fact, I prepared those coins one because I knew that I don't have small change, but only 1 fifty dollars note. XP After the offering, when we started to stand up and sing the worship song again... the moment I stood up and wanted to start singing, that's the time I started weeping instead... It was non-controllable, and in fact, I didn't know the reason for this weeping... I really don't want to cry... I told God, "God please stop this, I don't want~!" But God just "ignored me". Though this was not the first time that I wept like that during Service, sometimes I would think that this is so embarrassing...

I asked God to stop but He didn't, and I personally could not stop the tears, so I might as well "enjoying" the moment lor... haha... My mind was "quite empty" while I cried, so I was thinking, what should I think now? Immediately, I thought of something... so I simply told God / Jesus, "God, I miss you... I really love you..." something like that to "incorporate" with my tears, my weeping... Haha... So I cried until Pastor asked us to join hands with others to pray... and the Service ... ... ended...

After the incident, I thought that, "I couldn't wait for the next Sunday to cry... so I cry today~~~" Haha... And it takes awhile for my heart to 'settle" down again...

~ I Guess I Really Cannot Accept Other Churches Other Than (Singapore) CHC Liao... ~
One thing about Pastor and his sermon... Are really powerful and ciritical to me... It was like the "meat" stuff for my spiritual food. His sermon and his viewpoints are rather "mature" for me, more than enough for me to think more than twice for his every sermon. And sometimes I couldn't help to have this mentality: "we (Pastor Kong and I) thought the same." or "My thought exactly" like that... At one point during the sermon, I was so desired to come back to this Church to listen to his sermon like that... But, I still got valid reasons for "leaving this Church"...

Another revelation that I have is... It is really true to me that not every Church "qualify" for me to go to... Last time, I tried the CHC JB Church, but the sermon... the Church is too "young" that it does not suit me... "Young" not only the congregation's age, but also the Church is at the stage of "start up". That's why, I would still prefer to come to Singapore's CHC, with Pastor Kong being the preacher... Sometimes, Pastor Kong is so busy that we seldom see him preaching... Though other Pastors can preach very good, real good, I would still prefer Pastor Kong, or "miss" him instead. He is really somebody lor... The way he preaches reflects his confident and faith towards God...

At some point of the sermon, he said that someone wants to "support" him. And he immediately said "with or without your support, I will still go on preaching! I stand up here preaching the truth, is not to gain your support!" Wow... and I was like thinking... "Oh Pastor, come on, people are just being nice to say "I support you" lah... You don't have to say until like that lor..." Haha... However, nevertheless, I do learned something about this statement of his... As long as it is your purpose in life, you gotta do it no matter whether you will fail or succeed... That statement became clearer in my heart, just as Pastor made his stand...

OK, to say again... Really, "switching Church" is not really the solution for my situation. I couldn't imagine how will all other the preachers preach especially you have tasted Pastor Kong's. I couldn't imagine what will those praise and worship of other churhes be like? Will I enjoy those just as I enjoy CHC's??? Oh God... Do I really have to go and look for other churches in JB??? Unless there are really purposes for me to go in lor...

~ About the Pledge Confirmation ~
Oh, at one point of the Service / Sermon, I already told God that the amount to pledge had confirmed, please do not let me have other confusions. Please do not confuse me anymore, I am not going to think about the amount to pledge during the week. And I thank You for the amount confirmed. And with silent nodding, God was like telling me, "Okie, noted."

So in the end... ... ... I didn't double the amount... I don't really have the "peace" or "confirmation" to double it... I do have the amount available... But somehow I was reminded that those amount are "untouchable" due to certain determination / decision or factors. God was like telling me, "have you not told Me that you don't want to give Me those amount because they were given from your family? Because it can be easily found out if you spend those money. And your Papa had "warned" you not to "anyhow" spend the amount." And I was like "oh yah hor..." Haha... So in the end, still the same old "confirmation" as the previous week. This is the pattern I am going to give this time round: First month, November: 75% of the pledge. Then "rest, rest, rest" until the last month, i.e. April: the remaining 25%. And when it is possible, I will fulfill the amount even before Apirl come, i.e. to give as long I got the 25%. My mind has set up for it already. I really don't want any confusions again... Thank you.

Oh... so long already... and I haven't finished writing... should I continue?? Ok I should. Haha...

After the Service Wendy, Adelle and I went to eat Botak John at Bedok North. It turned out that I was the only one who ordered Botak John! I thought maybe the portions were too big for the 2 ladies ba... and I didn't think about that before. After the luch, I met my sis, Finn and we went to find ２姐 together and to see her lovely children. Our initial plan was to watch "High School Musical 3" with the elderst niece, as a mean to accompany her after her PSLE. But she "dua" us, she wanted to go swimming with her siblings instead. So the ２姐 family went for swimming while Finn and I headed for our backup plan, i.e. meet her friend, Axelle instead. We then went to Ang Mo Kio Hub to buy game - Patapon (that's how I got the pata pata pata pon * pon pon pata pon) and fetch Axelle to her wedding dinner at Mandai. And that night, I stayed overnight at Finn's house, because Monday was a public holiday -- Deepavali. At first, I thought I gotta work, but later I was told that I got the holiday too... Haha... My sis's friends and I played mahjong overnight~~ Haha... But it was a rather not-so-exiciting mahjong session... Nevertheless, we were still enjoying... Then before fetching Axelle back to home, we went to Geylang to have supper! Wow... haha...

I slept like about 4am or later... the next day I woke up, and decided to meet a friend for movie. So I said goodbye to sis and drove to the destination... And finally, that's the time I could find myself alone and thereby giving myself sometimes to ponder, to think about Sunday's crying... I was thinking about the whole thing... I was thinking about writing it in the blog... I was thinking and at the same time, talking to God... As I talked and thought, tears started to flow down again... The tear flowed down gently in the beginning... But as I thought more, and the moment I thought and told God that, "God, this is the amount I can give to you. It is not much, it is really not much to do great things with such little amount of money. God please take it, use it for Your kingdom. I am sorry that I can only give that much..." Then I started crying out loud instead! And I was driving... And I was reminded, the very first time that I wept like that while driving was when my Mama was warded into Intensive Care Unit (ICU)(加护病房) like many years ago... I thought that was the only time I would "weep and drive" at the same time... But now, I had it again... I was telling God, "God I am driving leh, please stop the tear..." But Thank-God-ly, because I got the "previous experience" I could drive safely lah...

It is just that... I don't know why I will cry until like that... I do admit that "I love to weep in the Presence of God", but somehow when I got it, I will be like "erm... what the heaven am I doing? Why I can cry until like that???" I could still remember last year's pledging day, I told God the same thing, "God, this isn't much of money, and I could only give you such. Please accept them... I am sorry that I cannot give you a lot, please forgive me..." something like that, then I could start crying like nobody's business liao... It is the same this time... the attitude of giving is still the same...

Oh, I could feel the "feeling" again right now... And I think I still got many things to say... But still, I think this would be enough liao... Still got many things to say, but that would be enough liao... Oh~! I actually typed that 2 times!! Then I guess I really gotta stop here liao. Wish to write more... wish to type a letter address to God... But I guess, maybe next Episode ba...

With Loves...

Get Hooked with Blogging!!!

Main Label: Life Update

Hmmm... Just realized that I kind of get hooked with blogs right now... Just feel like writing and writing and writing as my mind is always thinking and thinking and thinking... And like I say before, I still got a lot to write~! In fact, too much... I feel like writing my life update, my past-memorable-sweet moment, my stories ideas, my thoughts, and etc. etc. etc. But Lieh is not enough... Lieh gotta work, gotta meet friends, celebrate Birthdays for them, Lieh gotta gym and gotta play games, many games indeed, Lieh gotta go Singapore for Church Service and blah blah blah, Lieh gotta find girl friend, Lieh gotta be a good and filial son and get married, etc. etc. etc.... Lieh also wanna live his very own life according to his very own desire leh... Lieh is not enough le... and Lieh is still not enough... Oh...

But anyways, that wasn't a complain but rather showing off lah... Ahahahahaha... How I wish I can put the Panda-laughing smiley from the MSN here... Anyways, I realized one "easily-developed" habit every morning when I reach at my office desk... Usually, I will check my e-mails. And when the Facebook thing came in, I got additional habit, i.e. to check out the updates and notifications. In fact, I set my home page in Firefox to be Facebook leh... In the past, I used to play a few of the games there, the most committed one is called the "(fluff)Friends". It was a petting-cum-racing game, and it comes with other features as well... Was quite surprised by the popularity of it... There are people willing to buy the stuff it offers via real money! You can buy some of those limited and rare stuff they got with real money, and the stuff is digital, you can see it in your computer only! And... there are people there really treating the pets as "real pets", they say something like "it is cruel to leave your fluff Friend alone..." or stuff like that lor... Sooooo funny to me lor... Not to mention that the food will not go bad if you leave it for days and months... Haha...

Oops... Got side track again... I wanted to say that my new habit in the morning is browsing through / around friends' blog sites, in the hope that I can read their latest entries like that... And the hunger was like... the moment I found one new entry, I will read it immediately (provided that I got the time), and finish reading / browsing the entry at once. But like not long after, I cannot recall what is the entry about... Hmmm, I am being forgetful... yes...

Most of the time, their blogs will not update like daily like that... which means most probably I will see the same thing in their blog sites every morning. When I knew there is nothing new in their sites, and I left "nothing to do", I tend to yearn for more blogs to read... I will go to the links from my friends' sites that will direct to their friends' blogs, so that I got something to read on, to explore... It seems like I wish I have a pool, or a library of blogs for me so that I will not run out of blogs to read like that... Haha... But then really, I don't need to read so much lah, I got many other things to do... And then I realized that, this "hunger" for blogs, is more like a “心灵空虚” (spiritual hunger??) thing... Maybe this is a bad habit... Maybe this reflect my lack of spiritual or emotional security?? Hmmm... don't know lah... But one thing I figured, I will rather not searching high and low for blogs to feed on, but instead, I will blog my own entries instead! Haha... and that reminds me, I haven't finished introduce myself yet leh... Haha...

I can understand that why most of my friends don't update so often... Busy of course. I am like that also sometimes... Most of all, I think that "to blog or not to blog" the decision really based a lot on your "current mood", ... ... or, just thought of this, your "inspiring level" (as in how much you're "inspired" to write an entry) as opposed to the discipline... If you don't feel like blogging, you will not discipline yourself to even write something... You are not gonna to have entries like this... "Today I got nothing to blog about, but I just want to discipline myself to blog, so I blog lor... but I really got nothing to blog about, so I have come to the end of this entry, tu-tu... Cya, bye~~!" Haha... Another common factor that I can think of, is because of "losing passion in blog already". Maybe some people only want to "follow the crowd", so they just started their very own blog site when their friends already had theirs. And in the beginning, it was fun thing to do, so people blog a lot... But as time goes, the passion decreases, and so less update like that lor... Hmmm... the point I want to make here is, "I wonder how long my passion to blog will last..." Haha...

Regardlessly, people blog because of any reasons they have, be it postive or negative comments, blog in secret entries, "fans are waiting" (such as people are waiting for your professional replies or update regarding certain subjects; or also, people are waiting to read your updates), and etc, the entries they make, I will believe that it is all heart-felt. Because "no one will blog when they got nothing to blog about", whatever they blog, is something that they really wanna say or stand. (Unless, you got other ulterior motive lah, that's another thing...) Maybe... maybe that's what my heart is yearning... yearning to know, to find out such heart-feeling thing, to feel the inside of... the depth of humanity ba... Hmmm... come to think of it, it makes sense for me now... the reason why I will go about reading people's blogs... Oh yah, now I know that I was looking for the "touch heart" entries, searching for the life-inspiring articles, looking for the “英雄所见略同” people (people who have the same thoughts as mine, or simply, like-minded people), and etc. Haha, now I know that what my heart is looking! 我现在知道我心灵在为什么空虚呢！哈哈。。。

OK lah, that's enough for "about blog" lah... I wanted to blog down the following issues before I will go about continuing my Episode 4 in Church and stuff... And here goes:-

(1). The Ripple Effect of Economy Tsunami has finally hit us...
Finally, the economy crisis had hit my family business. The value for waste paper had dropped tremendously, even the TV news and newspaper had interviewed the "Karang Kuni", or those who collected old newspaper. My Mama was telling my sis that my Papa was gonna to be more “脸黑” (sad face) because of this, but as I observed, my father is still like "happy go lucky" like that leh... Then I realized that, maybe it is just because of my Mama's usual negative thoughts ba... Actually, not all types of waste paper's value has dropped. The demand for certain types of waste paper is still there, so not that greatly affected actually... My Papa and Mama's vision was right in the past... That we did not focus on collecting old newspaper... My Mama will keep saying the story when Papa wanted to collect old newspaper in the past, but she will be stopping him from doing, as the competition was high... And there were these brothers who used to collect old newspaper and was now seen nowhere liao... their business had failed some years ago because they collected old newspaper... This is according to my Mama's story lah... Sometimes, I will disagree with what she says regarding this. But now, as seen in TV and newspaper, the value for old newspaper has tremendously recently, I couldn't help to think that my Papa & Mama's vision is rather brilliant! Thank God we didn't focus on old newspaper lor... haha... Nevertheless, we will still have certain tough times though... As in, the overall business will still be affected in one way or another... It is the ripple effect of Economy Tsunami afterall... :(

(2). 白发魔烈！！！
Oh... not again... About last year, I spotted one single white hair on my head. I was upset about it. I had it said in my MSN Status, I wrote “ 白发魔男”，as inspired by the “ 白发魔女”. But later I changed to “白发魔烈” lor... Because more unique lor... Haha... But anyways, recently I spotted another white hair!!! Yeah, the one before is still there, and near to it, there is another! I thought the first one should have gone by now, and I was wondering, my hair keep dropping everyday, how come the white one didn't drop off? And now, to my a little and not so disaster, I got 2 strand of white hair in total now! And I am back to 白发魔烈 again! Sigh... :(

Last year was also the time that I started playing the Facebook (fluff)Friends game I mentioned earlier this entry. Because of this white hair thing, I was inspired to choose a white tiger as my pet in the game, and I named it “白发魔虎”！Haha...

Ai... me old liao...

(3). 中医师。。。
I decided to go to seek Chinese Medical to heal my nose block and I had hinted my Mama to bring me to see one. As in my mentality, she should have known which is the good one... But to my surprise... and she never fails to surprise me... She introduced and brought me to this “德教会” (don't know what this is called in English), which also provides Chinese Medical service and you "pay by" voluntary donation. She claimed that the doctor was good and stuff like that.

So we went to this 德教会 in the Pelangi (a place in JB) one day and see the Chinese doctor there. While waiting, I walked around the temple and saw the Jesus' picture there also... Haha... 德教会 is a religion that is like "combined religions", it has some of the religions' spiritual leaders put together... Such as Jesus, Buddha and Prophet Mohammad... something like that. I didn't really know much actually. Anyways, seen the doctor and he said that my sickness can only be healed over a period of time and he gave me some medicine... btw, here you gotta bring your own bottle for the medicine, which my mum did. If you don't carry your own, you will have to buy from them.

In addition, the doctor also realized that we stay in Skudai, so he suggested us to go to Perling Guan Yin (观音) Temple instead, he will be there every Tuesday and Thursday, from 9am to 12nn. We found this arrangement was better as our workplace is near to Perling... I had my third visit to the doctor yesterday, (third visit to the doctor but second time going to the Guan Yin temple). The facilities here are much better than the one in Pelangi 德教会... Until now, my condition hasn't got any significant improvement, but nevertheless, I could feel that my throat was better than before. :D

Oh btw, the first time seeing the doctor, he said that I can still go for exercise, because my nose problem is not connected with the lung. And he says that I should exercise too, and eat more fruits and vegetable too! That encouraged me to go to gym often as well... But... that's another issue... shall write this another time...

(4). Indeed, Building Fund is coming~!
How do I judge by saying this? Erm... Last year, during this season I had a car accident (no one had injured severely) and I gotta pay "saman" (summon) of RM300! This year, I ganna another "saman" that makes me feel that "Building Fund is coming"...

Usually at this season of Building Fund thing, "funny" thing will happen one, especially those "money out" thing... Maybe it is a test, maybe there's a force to test you whether you still want to give eventhough you gotta pay other things like that... But of course, the "saman" thing ultimately was due to my own carelessness, I haven't know how much to pay yet... but I think that this should be less than RM300 ba...

Another thing that makes me feel the Building Fund is coming, or rather, comes at the very right timing, is the "World Economy Tsunami" thing. Pastor Kong always share with us how the Jurong West Church was built during Economy downtime at 1997 (if I am not wrong about the year). And no banks would lend us money for the purchase of land, and in the end, we still got that piece of land without any loan from banks... (Correct me if I am wrong about this story, because I do not know the full details, thankz.) Therefore, when the economic is bad, it is also a sign for "something great is about to happen" like that lor... Of course, should I mention that, this is according to the CHC's context? Oh... erm... at least, it is in my own context. XD

Okie. that's all for now. Gonna write my Episode 4 soon ba... I think...

Church & Stuff Episode 3 -- The Confirmation??? Or the Confusion?

Main Label: Life Update

"The feeling of the "confirmation" was like "so sure" that I no need to go to Church next week to confirm the amount again~!"

Lieh (22/10/2008)

~ The "Promoted" Sermon -- Fourth Dimension Living ~
The week before, Pastor Kong had already "promoted" his sermon to come, he was very exciting and he asked everybody to come. Indeed, the sermon was amazing~!

Some side track... There is also one new worship song the Church is singing. I just made a little research because I wanted to find out the exact lyrics which had "touched my heart" greatly. So touching that the moment I listened and sang it, my tears started to flow down... This is the YouTube video that I had found:

At first I thought it was a brand new song for the Church's Arise & Build 2008. But after the research, I then realized that this was not composed by the CHC's song artists. Oh yeah, the part that touched my heart greatly is the chorus lor...

"Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done
In this city"
God of This City, by Chris Tomlin

The lyrics information was found in this website:
http://chosenfast.com/2008/03/31/greater-things-are-still-to-be-done-in-this-city/

Ok, that's all for the side track. :)

That Sunday morning I happened to be the first to reach the hall, and I managed to help my CG to have one whole row of seats, about 20++. Felt great that God had also created this opportunity for me to serve the CG as well. Haha... Though I no longer served in the Usher Ministry mah, God still able to provide such chance lor... Aiya... but my God is like that one lah...

But then not long after... when the praise song had started singing, that's the time I realized that there would not have enough seats! But actually, it was only short of 1 seat. Then, me being the "seats organizer" for the day, definitely gotta be ready to sacrifice lor... Kind of like no choice, because the person who was late, or the last one to come happened to be a newcomer, brought by the CG's new members, Lawrence and Lydia... Then I got no choice lor... Couldn't asked a new friend to sit alone mah... That's the time, I "complained" to God again... It was like, every time I am the one who sacrifice... I seldom come to the Service and CG already, now You wanted me to sit alone again!!! The moment I thought that I gotta give up the seats that I "found" for the CG and leave to search for another one just for myself, alone, I was so sad~~! My "grudge" almost had my tears ran down. Yah, it was that serious! Sometimes, I hated to be at the stage of being "alone"... The feeling was like... ... ... Don't know how to say it lah... But anyway, I spotted a seat just right in front of me... The seat was not that obvious actually... But you can't fool an experienced CHC Usher like me. Of course, I could tell whether the seat was taken or not... Haha... So I grabbed this chance, had the usher in duty to help me to double check or confirm. And then I got it! Haha... Not so far away from the CG! Yeah~! Yeah~!

That moment, I somehow learned something... You can pray and ask God to help you do something... You ask in prayer and wait in faith. But you ain't getting anything. Because on God's side, God is also waiting for you to do something~! Haha... When you wanted something, you yourself gotta take action for it, "God don't wait for you to wait for Him!" Haha... But rather, "God moves the moment we move!" This is the quote that I came out with...

"Many of the time, we ask God something in prayer, waiting and expecting Him to do that something. But at the same time, God is also waiting and expecting you to do that specific something!"
Lieh (25/10/2008)

Haha... But anyways, that's another way that God wanted me to do the Usher duty lah... My God is sooo cute one lor...

OK, anyways... So the sermon was expectantly great! Pastor Kong used Doctor Masaru Emoto's research and theory about water crystals which response to human's words and thoughts and stuff. I knew a little bit about this Doctor Emoto's work before. I even got his book like few years ago... But until now, I haven't read the book yet. xp Anyways, this piece of information got me to think a lot... again. I was like wanted to tape down the message to listen again and to point down my thoughts... Seriously, the sermon was quite difficult to jot down notes. And even I did made some notes, but in the end... I gotta "pass up" the note!

Yah~! We were given a piece of paper that was thought to be the sermon notes by me and some other friends! So I was happily jotting down points at the back of the "sermon note" and only to realize that Pastor expected us to write something, and "pass up"... We were to write particularly about goals and achievement in these 5 areas: health, finance, marriage / family, career, and ministry, of which, we must confess positively and persistently in order to achieve them... Pastor wanted us to submit that piece of paper together with our offering. And he gave us some time to write them down... And that was the time, I immediately tried my best to transfer whatever I have written regarding the goals and the sermon notes on my note book! Haha... But thank-God-ly, the sermon was quite difficult to jot down detailed notes actually... Like I said before, so I could quickly rewrite those important points...

That Service, the Presence of God was exceptionally strong too!Actually, at first, I didn't know about that. I wasn't having 100% concentration actually... Haha... Only until Pastor Kong said that "the Presence of God is here" and then I felt "nothing", so I "turned on" my "Spirit-sense" and only to realize that the Presence of God was indeed very strong~! It was so strong that it was almost like on the day of Building Fund Pledging! Only a little bit "lower" lah... Wah~~~ I couldn't wait for the day of pledging to come~! The Presence of God gonna be extremely superb ba~! Haha... Then I can wept "happily"... erm... "satisfactory" in the Presence of God again! Yeah~!

Don't know why... I love to "weep in the Presence of God"... I feel that it is one of the most comfortable things to do... Erm... sounds weird I think... Haha... But nevertheless, the feeling of "being embraced in His Presence" was very comforting... It was like in the moment, there are only God and you, there are no one else. No one can disturb this moment, and you will be very close to God and to Him only. At that very moment, "the world has only God and you only" like that... erm... I mean that you will care not even a bit of the circumstances lah.

And I was thinking, this time round, I definitely got something to "cry about"... It was concerning some money that I gave up... or rather someone refused to pay me and the business was given to him at a very cheap price! Like I said before, “过河拆桥”！I was really angry at times... But what to do, life must still go on... There are times I tried to forget, I told myself not to think of this so much, and gotta leave this matter off... I gotta practice "showing grace"... But then again, such showing of grace will not be noticed and will not be appreciated... Sigh... Then that's the time I had this "divine revelation":

"Showing grace sometimes will not be shown (to other people / the public)."
Lieh (25/10/2008)

Sometimes, I imagine this scenario, someone who is at fault, knees down and begs for the person who he has offended to, asking for forgiveness... Then the person will be like, angry at first, then he melts his heart and forgives the person. The begging person feels at ease and the whole crowd cheer for the "forgiving" person... Well, it occurs to me that this is "showing off" rather than "showing grace"... In fact, there are times, many times, "showing grace and mercy" will not be "let-known", "publicize" and etc. The most forgiving person, forgive people "just like that" (meaning simple and nice and discreetly), without having a big drama first to tell the world he is the victim and have the world to look into his situation, have sympathy on him and start to blame the offending party.. until the offending party cannot "tahan", and "admits" his "mistake" and finally, knees down and begs for forgiveness like that... That will be hypocrite, isn't it?

I don't know lah... I am not the most forgiving person lah, maybe God is ba... Is He? Well... ... ... of course I gotta confess that He is lah, if not I will be "blasphemy" lah~! Oops... XP

Anyways, I am trying my best to let go the amount and have mercy to my debtors lah... There are times I will still feel angry & 不爽 lor... But "Thank God got God lor..." He always consoles me and I can find comfort in Him...

~ The Amount to Pledge in Mind... ~
Ok, about the pledge thing, of which, is the main reason and purpose for me to start this series of "Church and Stuff" entries... Throughout these weeks, I had been thinking about the amount to pledge lor... Some figures crossed my mind, big and small... Then the "spiritual pointer" which that points the figures up and down stopped at this amount, let's called it "x", of which I am comfortable with also. The feeling was like, hmmm... "we (God, or Holy Spirit here, and I) thought the same thing" like that lor... So I thought the amount to be pledged was more or less confirmed liao... And in fact, this time round, I am thinking of giving a "one time building fund pledge", instead of the usual 6 months installment method. Because I already want to cut down the numbers of coming to this Church liao mah... And "everything" "works pretty fine" and "feels pretty fine", even Pastor had showed the past years statistic of amount pledged, and I was looking at the "Salaried / Self-employed" column, though my amount in mind was less than the average, I could still have the "peace of mind". So I hereby confirmed my amount to pledge~! ! ! Haha~~~ ... ... ...

But then... Just when the Monday came, my mind started to rethink... Then I got confused... And ultimately, I could feel the challenge~! The moment I thought for that... to double the amount, my heart would start to "tremble"... Now I face the choice... a "peaceful" amount? or a "challenged" amount? Ai... now my mind gotta rethink again... and gotta fight over this decision... All external circumstances factors come in, like the world's "economy tsunami", they called it this way... It was expected the coming year, 2009 will be the worst year yet leh... Yet then again, my possitive mindset also starts to function, all those possitive stuff join into this fight... So resulting... an amount yet to confirm again... :( Gotta pray and ask God more... But anyways, still feeling excited~! Haha... gonna cry, gonna cry with His embrace~! Haha~!

Church & Stuff Episode 2 -- Back to Church for a Purpose??

Main Label: Life Update

Well, I am supposed to write about how I got back to the Singapore CHC again after ... ... like maybe 6 weeks or something? Anyways, I forgot the exact period.

On mid September，one Saturday afternoon, one CG friend, actually she is JiahUi lah, one who always visited my site and leaves messages. Anyways, thank ya~! She MSNed the moment she saw me online and said "Long time no see, how have you been? Is everything all right? Are you going to Service tomorrow? Will I see you?" Yah, saying some caring stuff like that lor. But before that, I was thinking, erm... debating whether should I go back to CHC that Sunday, because "going back once in a while" is something in my mind also. So was I debating, giving myself the values of going to Service and of not going to... then she MSNed me and I was stunned by her questions actually. Simply because to tell one that the reasons for not going back would take a very long time, especially chatting in MSN. I will prefer to tell things in person or via phone now. Last time, I MSN storiesss and SMS storiesss a lot, but now it is just feel so tired and "a lot" to write about, which is time consuming and in addition, such communication couldn't really that effective. I think MSN & SMS belongs to young people who still can afford to waste some time... Me? Old liao lor... Haha...

So anyway, to give a simple and nice and quick and direct answer to JiahUi, I simply answered her by saying something like, everything is all right lah... blah blah blah... and "see you tomorrow" like that. Then I think she mentioned something about watching movie... like she wanted to watch "Make It Happen" but no one wanted to "make it happen" for her... Then, I was thinking, since her Birthday was coming, I might be able to accompany her like that... Oh btw, hope you have realised it, I can remember people's Birthday one... Not everyone though, and though trying my best to remember everyone's Birthday... I got one method to help me to remember people's Birthday, it is something like link people's face and name with 2 sets of numbers, first number is the month and of course, the other number is the days. And then link the people with the same months, and/or same days to help myself to do the remembrance stuff. For example... erm... taking JiahUi as example... (JiahUi, Please allow me to use yours as example, ok? haha...) September, I got friends like jiahUi, Samuel, Duncan, Janice, Jenny, Earnest, Jessica, my 2nd sister, their Birthday lie on the September, the ninth month, this is the first number. Then I also think about the numbers form 1 to 31 (of course, September don't have 31 lah). Like I remembered Samuel's on the 4th, and actually, the moment I thought about that, Jenny and Duncan's Birthday was reminded, because I suddenly remembered, their "number" is 9 and 4 also. So I added the name to the list above... Then, Janice and my 2nd sister is on day 9. Yah something like that... as for JiahUi, her Birthday is on the 15th, the exact mid number for a month, so is easy to remember, and in fact, my mind already reminded someone whose Birthday is on the 15th day... And then, OOPS! Sorry for side track, let's go back for the main story!!!

Erm... where was I?? Oh, ok... so I thought that maybe it will be a blessing or a present for her by accompanying her to watch movie like that... Though that day we didn't watch the "Make it Happen" lah, we watched "Mama Mia". And that was just another story...

So on the Sunday morning, I set off to Singapore Expo like I used to do. On the journey I SMS Wendy and Eliz, telling them that I was on the way, but of course, is to hint that "please gimme a seat, ok" haha... And it seemed that everyone in my CG was so surprised to see me! Haha... I'm like a special guest to them! Haha...

Well, after a long break of not coming to CHC, I realized 2 significant changes in the Church. First, the bigger... erm I mean the wider screen in centre stage... Wow~! Wow~! WOW~~~! Eliz told me it was installed for the "Money No Enough 2" movie and it stayed there ever since. The second change was the "3 minutes chit chat" thing, that was very new to me. In fact, I was nervous about this. Because I don't talk much, yes I type a lot, but sometimes I ran out of words to say. I am very much a silent people. I am not "talkative", I am only "typative" lah~! Haha... And usually I don't like such "casual" talking, I prefer "quality time" of fellowshipping and chit-chatting. Really, how much can you know and get familiar with someone only with the "given" and "limited" time? And when times up, you gotta wrap your story real quick if not both you and the Pastor on stage will start talking at the same time! Well of course, it has its own usefulness and I am not here comdamning. This is just not for me lah... Oh another reason is that, I will get even more nervous when no one is talking to me! Or when you ran out of stuff to say with one another, that will be... erm... “冷场” silent moment lor...

In fact, these few Sunday while I went for the Service, during the worships, I was actually thinking of the 3 minute thing... My mind was like... later whom to talk to? Will someone talk to me? Should I talk to the one who is on my left? or Right? In front or behind? What should we talk about? Hmmm... Let me prepare some questions first... maybe start by asking CG? etc. ... ... ... Yup, I was distracted by it and I couldn't focus on the worship... Haha...

Oh... Oops again... That's enough for the side story... On that Sunday which I came back after a long break, they actually also started a new praise song... I don't know the title... But the song has this verse in the lyrics that says "(to God) Well You got me here, You got me"... The moment I saw & listened to it, my heart and mind was thinking like "so accurate" again! It was really You got me here, God. Haha... This was the first thing that touched me once again on that day regarding this church...

Then the next thing they had, was had a couple to share with their testimony, "how God has changed them" stuff... Half way listening to their testimony, I heard them mentioning about Building Fund... And it got me thinking, so I asked Eliz who was sitting next to me, and she confirmed to me that the Building Fund is coming. From that moment, I was almost to exclaim this out loud at my fullest revelation of the reason why I am here back to Church again... -- "No wonder I am back to Church!" Of course I didn't say lah, if not I would get chased out by the security.

And this is very true, as regarding of the "I-want-it-that-way" thing. I wanted to come back to Church, or as some people would prefer to say, "come back to God", when God has something important for me to do or know, and this is so important that I must not miss it. In the usual Service, "if there is nothing so important that I must not miss it", my God will "allow" me not to come to Service. Erm... it is like, what I want to say is that, God will make sure that I will not miss out the important thing and those things that He wants me to be awared of... Of course, I am not saying that people can no need to go to every Sunday Service; I am not saying that people only goes to Church when there is something "important" is happening like that... In consideration of my current faith level, "According to your faith" (Matthew 9:29) is all I can say and comment about.

The testimony to me, is like it served as a reminder from God saying, "the Building Fund is coming, so you better make time to come to the following Services to "hear" the amount to pledge, so that on the day of pledging, you know how much to pledge." This was my fourth time of Arise & Build, according from my previous experiences, as on how much to pledge, I learned that it will be better... ... erm... more accurate to "get to know" the amount to pledge during Church's corporate worships and sermon. Of course you can know the numbers during your personal quiet time with God. But however, somehow coming to the Church and "ask God in person" will seem like a confirmation to that whatever amount you have in your mind. And so the testimony was like the second thing that touched me that day...

So what is the third? Coming through~ Well it was Pastor Kong's sermon. The contents were about CHC-DNA. He mentioned something about the CHC's DNA, meaning to say, those similar characteristics or straits or culture or habits and stuff that most / majority of the City Harvesters share. To me, that moment I was thinking about my "spirit sensitivity"... I was "praising" myself for able to know that Building Fund is coming simply by listening to the testimony. And so it was, Pastor commenting about this "CHC-DNA"! Haha... As I thought along, because of my "changed in heart" situation, obviously I don't have the 100% CHC-DNA lah. However, I am much grateful to "qualify" myself to have such DNA! Haha... ... ... I don't know lah... maybe this is very important to me ba... Maybe I really love this Church that I am not willing to give it up... Erm... maybe my love for the Church is so much that until Jesus Himself "buay tahan", and He gotta tell me in person that "I will leave this Church"! Haha... Those words are not necessary negative if you know your God well, if you know how to decode those words lah...

Hmmm... Yah, after the Service, I already confirmed that I would make time to come back for the Service until the pledging day... And most probably, you will be sure that I will go "Whoosh!" again after I had pledge the amount! Haha... Pledging must be done within Church, during sermon and prayers, to "secure the divine pledging spiritually". However, the actual giving do not need to be in Church, you can give by Credit Card or Internet Banking, I am sure those who go to CHC can hear this every time during the offering time! Haha...

So shall end of Episode 2 here. Gonna do the Episode 3 real soon.

Some Flash Back, Regarding Church and Stuff (Episode 1)

Main Label: Life Update

Hmmm... Couldn't wait to blog this down actually... I was really excited after the Sunday Service because I thought that I got the amount to pledge already... The feeling of the "confirmation" was like "so sure" that I no need to go to Church next week to confirm the amount again~! Haha... What am I talking about leh?! Aiya... really got a lot of stuff that I missed up writing... Guess I really got no time to write down all those tiny little details, but gotta write the stories in summaries ba... But wait a minute... Can I really write summaries?? Not that I know of, I know that I couldn't write an effective summary... Simply because, I don't know what to eliminate~! Everything, every single details seem important to me leh... Haha...

Ok, maybe I will do a "Content Page" and a brief, real brief description to that... So here goes:

(1). Introduction -- "Leave Church" Decision
(2). Back To Church for a Purpose??
(3). The Sunday Service-- "Fourth Dimension Living" Sermon & Amount to Pledge Confirmation
(4). And wait, is that really the confirmation?! Cos I am thinking of doubling it...

And now, for the story...

(1). Introduction -- "Leave Church" Decision

Indeed, this is really like a "long ago" thing... But nevertheless, it still happened within this year, 2008. Since it had been sometimes already, I don't really know how to started it... Let me think...
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Ok, got it. In the past, I always traveled into Singapore every Sunday morning for Service and Usher Ministry and it was definitely tired. In the further past, I traveled in by bus! I gotta ask my Papa to fetch me down to the custom because that time I was a Singapore Permanent Residence (SPR) which means I couldn't drive Malaysia plated car into Singapore. That time was a much difficult time that I had to trouble my Papa to fetch me. I thought of parking the car in the nearby shopping complex -- City Square, but that would cost a lot as I maybe staying in Singapore for almost the whole day. So things got better when I gave up my SPR and I started to drive my Honda Accord... erm... not really "mine", but my Papa's Honda Accord for the Service! It was definitely great~! However... sigh... God never makes "going to Service" easily for me... It is true to me... I always got different challenges while going to Church at different point of my time...

~ Different Challenges for Attending Service at Different Point of Life ~
At the initial stage of my CHC life, I was doing part-time waiter in a Japanese Restaurant, which means weekends were usually gotta work. At that time, I was new to CHC also, and there were lots of negative feedbacks regarding this church from my friends, so I was doubtful and would "drag myself" going to Friday Service... I requested not to work on Friday so that I can go for the Service. I remembered that was one Friday that I didn't work and "supposed" to meet a friend from CHC, actually he is Eugene Goh lah, for attending Service together... But in the end I met other friends for dinner instead. Haha... I felt bad that I flied aeroplane to Eugene. But thank-God-ly, he managed to find his other Church friends to attend the Service together. Nevertheless, he does know a lot of people in Church, so it shouldn't be a difficult task for him lah... haha...

Later, I gave up my part time job so that I can go to the Service as well as the Cell Group Meeting (CGM). I could remembered, I attended the CG three times only, and for the third time, it was their "Multiplication Day"! Haha... And I was still "blur-blur" that time. That time, mg CG Leader, was Sia Hon Yu. Then I was transferred to a new CGL, Janice Seow. And that was the time I was under her direct "discipleship" and I gotta learned a lot from her. That was the moment when I decided to go into Usher Ministry, sole purpose is to fulfill the mission statement of the Church...

Usher Ministry... I also got lots of memories for it... I signed up the ministry via the Internet and I actually waited for about 3 months for the person in charge to contact me! Indeed, a time of waiting... Anyways, shall write those stories regarding Usher Ministry some other time...

Doing usher duty was another different challenge for me to go for the Service. This time was like, balance between duty and worshipping God; a balance between Martha and Mary... Sometimes, I was asked to do Traffic Marshal (TM), which means I served outside the main auditorium. Man! That was so far away from the Presence of God leh... All these sacrifces were affordable to me, as my heart was fervent for God, and being a new convert, my heart was burning with desires also. Until...

Until after graduated from MDIS, my Papa wanted me to come back for JB... I wasn't willing to do that... And I asked God, but I felt the response from God also... He says "It is time to go back." But actually, Jesus was telling me: "That's enough, let's do something else." Well, that's another long story here...

Anyways, the challenge got much more difficult now... The traveling from JB into Singapore via bus and MRT, and going to Expo, was a killing man! This greatly affected my habit before, especially usher ministry... The report time for usher was 7.30am. I really hardly make it that time. Sometimes, I stayed overnight in Singapore on Saturday, so that the next morning I can go to Expo much early to report for Usher ministry. It was tough, it was tough, it was very tough for me, in the physical, in the emotion and in the spirit. Much later, I decided to stop this and only report to usher at 8.30am, or 9.30am. So that I no need to come over to Singapore the day before. But sometimes, I was late... reach after 10am where Service has started... sigh...

Thank-God-ly, after I gave up my SPR, the very useful benefit of this is I can drive my JBV 21 into Singapore! And so I was, driving car into Singapore happily and showing-off-ly. But, I still report 8.30am or 9.30am... Haha... sometimes, I was late also, because of jam, drove wrong way, missed the exit in highway... haha... aiyo... Things got much settled down again, until...

~ Factors that Contributes to the Decision to "Leave Church" ~
Until my heart changed... I had "severe" doubt about Christianity... Now this is not the challenge of the physical body, but of the mind and of the spirit. They (the Christian friends, the pastor) say that when such things happen, we should press on to God even more . I did, I pressed on and I pressed on until I do not know how to do anything any more... Buts still, it doesn't seem to help. Now, every Sunday morning, my mind was battling... fighting for the answer "to go or not to go". Most of the time, the answer "go" prevailed. Actually, this happened even before I could drive car into Singapore... But then I could remembered the very first time that I drove into Singapore... The mixed feeling... or that kind of feeling that is hardly for me to describe with words... it is like... having those doubts, and then driving for the first time in Singapore, (not really first time driving in Singapore, but had a break in between for years) and I was not familiar with the roads 人生地不熟 like that. And the best part is, I was doing this all by my lonely self only! Sometimes, I could wish I am not alone, things could have been better. But there was once I traveled in with my friend, but we were talking until I missed turning into the Tampines Express Way (TPE)! Haha... Then ended up going via Pan Island Express Way (PIE)! Haha... aiyo... My friend was blaming herself and me also for gossiping in the car! Haha...

Anyway, the feeling that I had when I was driving into Singapore for the first time alone, with doubts and not-so-fervent heart... It was a weird feeling. I was telling God in the car "God, I am coming for Ya~!" Really, I thought this could settle me down for sometimes, but it was not so... again... That's why I say God never makes this simple for me...

The usual, common jam I had learned to avoid... But then, there was this Mas Selamat escaping in Singapore, making the security of the Custom got to be much more tight and secure, and of course, this resulting in severe traffic jam... Then like after the news of the Mas Selamat, maybe about 2 months or like that, they got a brand new story of one Singaporean father took his son's passport and successfully crossed the Custom, and he only realised it when he reached Vietnam! Oh no... this even "strengthened" the security of the custom... My minimum jamming time at the Custom while going back to JB was like 45 minutes! And then few months back later... the greatly increased petrol price came into picture~! From Ringgit Malaysia (RM) 1.70++ to RM2.70++! Oops, I forgot the exact amount liao. Though it was not me to pay the petrol price, (my Papa pays of course) I could still feel the "pain" man! And all this factors got me into raising a question of going into Singapore often or not... Ok, latest update! The petrol price had dropped! And will be dropping again soon, erm... maybe only. And the traffic condition at the Singapose Custom had improved as well, meaning less traffic jam on the time that I go back.

However, these are not all the factors, I got more reasons coming in... I am a think-a-lot person, so my factors got a lot also lah... But not sure should I say it here...

Sigh... another long story here... OK! I will really try my best to do summary from now on! Haha... I had come into a revelation that Singapore CHC is really a Church for Singaporean, it is their's local mega Church, not us the Malaysian's. Though there are a small population of Malaysian coming into Singapore for CHC Service just like me, it is still not really targeted for us. And to consider with my future, which most likely to be stationed in JB, I think it is not wise for me to go to Singapore Church, because I am considering of my "future wife". People always have the mentality that I go to Church can get to know nice girl, or gal that I have feeling with. My CG members and other church friends always ask me, "your Usher Ministry don't have girls meh? How come you don't get to know them?" And the Usher friends will be like "your CG don't have girls meh?" Erm... to answer such questions perfectly, it takes another long entry of blog lah... Haha... But to cut short, what I am considering for my "future wife" my girlfriend, is another complex one. Singapore ladies may not really fulfill my need as my ideal wife / girlfriend, at the same time, they may not want a JB guy like me lah... Therefore, this raise an very important question which is not so easily seen / observed, i.e.: even if I got a girl that I like, and the very fact that I do have one in mind =D (and in my heart also), will I confess my feeling to the girl? And my current answer is obviously "No". Why not? Many other factors got in... Well it is really got many things got into the way, and not to mention what my 算命师傅 had said regarding my 姻缘~！Anyways, but to quote one killing reason, or "excuse" if you would prefer to use such word, it is the timing and different in place that both had. You know, 异国恋情是很难的。。。It is very difficult to maintain a love-ship between 2 distant places, at least it is very difficult at the initial stage of a boy-girl relationship. (BGR). Therefore, "to know your "future wife" in Singapore Church" this statement does not really stand for my case.

Another reason that got me is... the yearning for more personal time. Ok, ok... cut short cut short. Throughout the near-to-3-years-life in JB, I had gained weight as I did not go to gym anymore. But this May, I signed up a newly opened fitness centre in City Square. It is called the Clark Hatch Fitness Centre. At the beginning, I still don't have much time to go to gym. So I am thinking of using my Sunday morning to do the work out instead. True enough, times that I didn't go to Singapore Service, I went to gym, and I was really hardworking at it!

But all and all... the trigger point for the decision for not going into Singapore Church is this: "my passport's pages are using up!" It was not the main problem initially, I got a solution for that... I got one Malaysian church friend, Caiyan (or Choy Ngan), I sometimes call her “二妈”, she mentioned to me that there was this one entry permit, or social visit entry "card" that we Malaysian could apply, so that we no need to get chopped in our passport so frequently. All we need to provide is some of our idenfication documents and the "prove" that you travel into Singapore a lot, erm... i.e. to show your passport got many chops lah... haha... I asked her for details, got prepared and went to apply... But I was rejected! My application was rejected! Caiyan said it is very easy one. But I got rejected! Why? The staff there said that Ex-PR cannot apply. And she asked me to come back after the expiry of my PR is over for 6 months. That time I went to apply was about July. And my 6 months expiry period of PR should be about August or September. Yah, yah, now October already, which means I can go and apply again. But I do not do so. Why?? That time when I was rejected, the lady actually asked me to come back and "try" to apply again on August or September... I heard the key word, it is "try" to apply. Then I asked her so next time I come back to apply, after my PR had expired for 6 month, then I confirm can get the entry pass is it? But her response let me had the revelation that I would not coming back to apply any sooner... She said, "don't know. Not sure one. You must try only."

Yes, that's the words that trigger my decision for not coming into Singapore so often liao! I told my CGL, Wendy Goh, about it and shared with her all these things, and to tell her my intention to find a local church in JB. However, I did not find at all, "many factors" again. But really, to tell one convincing one, it is easier to said than done, it is easy to say to find a local church and get planted. But it is extremely difficult to find another CHC in JB. If you got CHC-DNA, or if you have tasted the Service style of CHC and fall in love with it, it is not that easy to fall in love with another Churches one... And my problems cannot be solved by simply "looking for a local church"! .

Yes. So all these are the factors that accumulated together, with the trigger point for this decision of "Leave Church (CHC)". Let me summarize all the points here... (1). Spiritual not-well-beings (I do hope you had realized it by now, if you had been reading this entry), (2). yearning for more of personal time and space, (3). external circumstance condition such as traffic jam. Though this problem is no longer valid for now. (4). Future settlement consideration, to find a girlfriend in JB? or Singapore? (5). Passport's pages using up! And application for entry pass got rejected! This is the trigger point! Cheh... only got 5 main points after summarizing them...

However, there is another reason that I didn't mention until now... Actually it is not really a Factor that contributes to the decision, but it is absolutely crucial to know, i.e. Jesus had once told me something in person during the period when I had the "severe" doubts. It happened at the end of one of the Services last year, while Pastor asked us to join hand and pray for your neighbors of left and right, then the words of Jesus came in, He says clearly to me, "You will leave this Church..." The moment I heard it, my tears immediately ran out and I cried a little... Wish to write down the whole story, but this entry already been very very long liao. Nevertheless, I am glad that all these things work out in the "I-want-it-that-way" manner. I want to say, God is Good! But I doubt not many trully can understand the essence of such saying as considering my case lah...