Dear God

Main Label: God & Spirituality

We love Him because He first loved us.

1 John 4:19

Dear God,
I love you. Thank you for giving me life and soul, the ability to think with wisdom, the ability to feel all the wonderful emotions, and the beautiful mind to see this world with love and hope. Forgetting not, the love for God, the love for Life and the love for every beautiful thing. I really appreciate my life as being "Wei Lieh". :D

I was hesitated to blog for some periods because I realized that my first blog did not mention much about You. Only say "I love You" at the end of the blog... I had a little shame about "not PGF" even in my blog. PGF, an acronym for "Put God First" that I've made up for myself. I know that You won't mind about this, but this is just a way to show my respect to You. However, right here and right now, I am dedicating my second blog to You. Ahaha...

Hmmm... talking about God huh... It got so much to say also. God, Jesus, Holy Spirit; God, the Divine Being; God, my closest friend in heart,... and many other more... My Dear God, I know that all the while You've been drawing me near to You ever since when I was young... When I was in primary 3, you inspired me to ask these questions: "Who created this world?" "What would it be like when the world is/has nothing?" Then when I was in secondary school, You lead me to person who answered part of my query and ignited my desire to know You from a Christian close friend whom also brought me to his neighborhood church. Then when I was in Polytechnic, though I did not attend church services, You still resolved my problem miraculously when I cried out to you without a voice in my mouth. Then in University (MDIS), You again used another Christian friend of mine (from my secondary school) to invite me to Church, and that's City Harvest Church. In this Church, I really learned a lot about You, Jesus, Love and many other things. This is the moment where I get to learn to hear from You, and having so many spiritual encounters with You. My knowledge and faith in You have grown much. I really love this Church~! That place really marks significant chapters in my life.

After 2 years or so, when I graduated and this was the time when my father asked me to go back to Malaysia to help him in his business. Although it was him who had initiated, I know that You also asked me to go back. In a vision, I was like stopped ang kneed down at a junction where there were 2 routes ahead, one pointing JB while the other Singapore, refusing to go on, and I was telling You, "God, but there are still so many things to do here, so many things that I can contribute to You." And then I just felt Jesus smiled at me and said:"That's enough. Let's do something else..." Somehow, I was really convinced by such words. And here I am, came back to JB for 2 years and 4 months already...

Serving God became much more difficult and inconvenience, I almost struggle every Sunday for me to go to Singapore Expo. But, You never stop making things easy for me. One year ago, You lead me to this book call "Conversation with God" by Neale Donald Walsch. My life had an almost 180 Degree turned.

There are people whom by attending seminars, services, reading a book, or watching a movie etc, change their life totally... They always say "it changed my life" and then cry... All the while, I have been looking for such thing to change my life... I was looking for a book that can change my life; I was watching movies in search of the inspiring concept; I was attending those so-called life changing seminars, attending service in the hope that the sermons will hit me with great impact... Those were great moment, really. But those were not bullseye that hit me with the right spot, right hot button. And then, I thought Jesus can, yes all the while I thought my beloved Jesus can, and He does, but still... All the while, I thought my beloved Holy Bible can, and the book does, yet again... Then You lead me into this book, I could still remember when I first started reading it, it was my Birthday. Again, are You trying to hint me something? Is this a present from You? Hah! This book IS the life changing element for me! Yes, it changed my life, just like the book says, it will change my life... And that leads to my current life situation...

No longer I... No longer I am so fervent for Jesus and church services. I pray and worship less, but I do still talk to Jesus... Difficulties and inconveniences are something, but this change of faith, change in my belief system, has done a great deal in hesitating me to attend church services. Every Sunday when I go to the service, it always have a difficult price to pay, every time I was like dragging myself to service. It really uncomfortable and my hearts always feel painful. I wanted to leave, like many other so-called "backsliders" do, to simply go MIA and never come back... But somehow I can't... I've love much that I am not willing to let go... Eventhough "I don't believe Christianity anymore", I still love this Church, the people and most importantly, the Presence of God here! God, why, God? Why is this happening to me? Why can't we settle for a simple life? Why you have to ring such a bell in my heart?

However, regardless of all these "battling of the mind" or the Christian faith's so-called "spiritual warfare", I still do enjoy life. I still do. "Enjoy life" does not necessary mean doing the things I love, having vacation everyday, living a stress-free life, simply doing nothing and letting myself rot. But to me it means to love every beautiful thing, to love every life and their story, to have passion and compassion, to shed tears for the things that have touched me greatly, to love the "feelings of love", to laugh really all out loud for the least or the most funniest and craziest things, to love and be loved, to serve and be served. Somehow, in my heart, I am contented. I know that I have loves and is being loved. And this is always the motivation of my life. When life gets much problems, troubles, disappointments, discouraged, etc., I get no strength to carry on. However, when I think about You and the every beautiful thing that I have come across with in my life, I know that I get refreshed and renewed in my heart to go on with life, to do the things that I really wanna do in my life.

Dear God, I have to say this... Only you are able, able to make me always look at the bright side of the hill; able to know my thoughts before I even think about it; able to encourage me with the right attitude and effective ways that within a second, I can still laugh at my situation, giving me a peace of mind, the wisdom, the courage and a heart that hopes all thing, in order for me to carry on doing the things I wanna do in my life. Only you are able to understand me, handle me, and knows what is best for me. You've known me inside out, outside in. You know every feelings that I treasure, my value system in life, my desires. And to me most importantly, You know how to make me work! Haha... most people don't, they simply command me, hoping I will do something, thinking that I should do this, should do that... But You know that those can't even make me move... Ahaha... Indeed God, I am ... ... ... mesmerized (I'm not sure whether this is a good word to use here) by You always... Amazed by the wonders of You, admire at Your beauty, dwell happily in the concept people call it "in-love". And I'm in love with You.

God, You have successfully entered my entire life. I wanna appreciate You by saying once again, "God, thank You and I love You... Please gimme a life partner..." Ahahahahahahaha... no lah, "Dear God, I thank You to be with me always, to allow me to be the person I want to be, to do the things that I want to do in my life. God, I love You from the fullness of my heart, the deepest of my desire and with much loves that cannot be expressed with words. Also with the loves that I have loved until I don't know how to love anymore I am saying this to You." *muak*