Main Label: Life Update
Hmmm... Couldn't wait to blog this down actually... I was really excited after the Sunday Service because I thought that I got the amount to pledge already... The feeling of the "confirmation" was like "so sure" that I no need to go to Church next week to confirm the amount again~! Haha... What am I talking about leh?! Aiya... really got a lot of stuff that I missed up writing... Guess I really got no time to write down all those tiny little details, but gotta write the stories in summaries ba... But wait a minute... Can I really write summaries?? Not that I know of, I know that I couldn't write an effective summary... Simply because, I don't know what to eliminate~! Everything, every single details seem important to me leh... Haha...
Ok, maybe I will do a "Content Page" and a brief, real brief description to that... So here goes:
(1). Introduction -- "Leave Church" Decision
(2). Back To Church for a Purpose??
(3). The Sunday Service-- "Fourth Dimension Living" Sermon & Amount to Pledge Confirmation
(4). And wait, is that really the confirmation?! Cos I am thinking of doubling it...
And now, for the story...
(1). Introduction -- "Leave Church" Decision
Indeed, this is really like a "long ago" thing... But nevertheless, it still happened within this year, 2008. Since it had been sometimes already, I don't really know how to started it... Let me think...
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ok, got it. In the past, I always traveled into Singapore every Sunday morning for Service and Usher Ministry and it was definitely tired. In the further past, I traveled in by bus! I gotta ask my Papa to fetch me down to the custom because that time I was a Singapore Permanent Residence (SPR) which means I couldn't drive Malaysia plated car into Singapore. That time was a much difficult time that I had to trouble my Papa to fetch me. I thought of parking the car in the nearby shopping complex -- City Square, but that would cost a lot as I maybe staying in Singapore for almost the whole day. So things got better when I gave up my SPR and I started to drive my Honda Accord... erm... not really "mine", but my Papa's Honda Accord for the Service! It was definitely great~! However... sigh... God never makes "going to Service" easily for me... It is true to me... I always got different challenges while going to Church at different point of my time...
~ Different Challenges for Attending Service at Different Point of Life ~
At the initial stage of my CHC life, I was doing part-time waiter in a Japanese Restaurant, which means weekends were usually gotta work. At that time, I was new to CHC also, and there were lots of negative feedbacks regarding this church from my friends, so I was doubtful and would "drag myself" going to Friday Service... I requested not to work on Friday so that I can go for the Service. I remembered that was one Friday that I didn't work and "supposed" to meet a friend from CHC, actually he is Eugene Goh lah, for attending Service together... But in the end I met other friends for dinner instead. Haha... I felt bad that I flied aeroplane to Eugene. But thank-God-ly, he managed to find his other Church friends to attend the Service together. Nevertheless, he does know a lot of people in Church, so it shouldn't be a difficult task for him lah... haha...
Later, I gave up my part time job so that I can go to the Service as well as the Cell Group Meeting (CGM). I could remembered, I attended the CG three times only, and for the third time, it was their "Multiplication Day"! Haha... And I was still "blur-blur" that time. That time, mg CG Leader, was Sia Hon Yu. Then I was transferred to a new CGL, Janice Seow. And that was the time I was under her direct "discipleship" and I gotta learned a lot from her. That was the moment when I decided to go into Usher Ministry, sole purpose is to fulfill the mission statement of the Church...
Usher Ministry... I also got lots of memories for it... I signed up the ministry via the Internet and I actually waited for about 3 months for the person in charge to contact me! Indeed, a time of waiting... Anyways, shall write those stories regarding Usher Ministry some other time...
Doing usher duty was another different challenge for me to go for the Service. This time was like, balance between duty and worshipping God; a balance between Martha and Mary... Sometimes, I was asked to do Traffic Marshal (TM), which means I served outside the main auditorium. Man! That was so far away from the Presence of God leh... All these sacrifces were affordable to me, as my heart was fervent for God, and being a new convert, my heart was burning with desires also. Until...
Until after graduated from MDIS, my Papa wanted me to come back for JB... I wasn't willing to do that... And I asked God, but I felt the response from God also... He says "It is time to go back." But actually, Jesus was telling me: "That's enough, let's do something else." Well, that's another long story here...
Anyways, the challenge got much more difficult now... The traveling from JB into Singapore via bus and MRT, and going to Expo, was a killing man! This greatly affected my habit before, especially usher ministry... The report time for usher was 7.30am. I really hardly make it that time. Sometimes, I stayed overnight in Singapore on Saturday, so that the next morning I can go to Expo much early to report for Usher ministry. It was tough, it was tough, it was very tough for me, in the physical, in the emotion and in the spirit. Much later, I decided to stop this and only report to usher at 8.30am, or 9.30am. So that I no need to come over to Singapore the day before. But sometimes, I was late... reach after 10am where Service has started... sigh...
Thank-God-ly, after I gave up my SPR, the very useful benefit of this is I can drive my JBV 21 into Singapore! And so I was, driving car into Singapore happily and showing-off-ly. But, I still report 8.30am or 9.30am... Haha... sometimes, I was late also, because of jam, drove wrong way, missed the exit in highway... haha... aiyo... Things got much settled down again, until...
~ Factors that Contributes to the Decision to "Leave Church" ~
Until my heart changed... I had "severe" doubt about Christianity... Now this is not the challenge of the physical body, but of the mind and of the spirit. They (the Christian friends, the pastor) say that when such things happen, we should press on to God even more . I did, I pressed on and I pressed on until I do not know how to do anything any more... Buts still, it doesn't seem to help. Now, every Sunday morning, my mind was battling... fighting for the answer "to go or not to go". Most of the time, the answer "go" prevailed. Actually, this happened even before I could drive car into Singapore... But then I could remembered the very first time that I drove into Singapore... The mixed feeling... or that kind of feeling that is hardly for me to describe with words... it is like... having those doubts, and then driving for the first time in Singapore, (not really first time driving in Singapore, but had a break in between for years) and I was not familiar with the roads 人生地不熟 like that. And the best part is, I was doing this all by my lonely self only! Sometimes, I could wish I am not alone, things could have been better. But there was once I traveled in with my friend, but we were talking until I missed turning into the Tampines Express Way (TPE)! Haha... Then ended up going via Pan Island Express Way (PIE)! Haha... aiyo... My friend was blaming herself and me also for gossiping in the car! Haha...
Anyway, the feeling that I had when I was driving into Singapore for the first time alone, with doubts and not-so-fervent heart... It was a weird feeling. I was telling God in the car "God, I am coming for Ya~!" Really, I thought this could settle me down for sometimes, but it was not so... again... That's why I say God never makes this simple for me...
The usual, common jam I had learned to avoid... But then, there was this Mas Selamat escaping in Singapore, making the security of the Custom got to be much more tight and secure, and of course, this resulting in severe traffic jam... Then like after the news of the Mas Selamat, maybe about 2 months or like that, they got a brand new story of one Singaporean father took his son's passport and successfully crossed the Custom, and he only realised it when he reached Vietnam! Oh no... this even "strengthened" the security of the custom... My minimum jamming time at the Custom while going back to JB was like 45 minutes! And then few months back later... the greatly increased petrol price came into picture~! From Ringgit Malaysia (RM) 1.70++ to RM2.70++! Oops, I forgot the exact amount liao. Though it was not me to pay the petrol price, (my Papa pays of course) I could still feel the "pain" man! And all this factors got me into raising a question of going into Singapore often or not... Ok, latest update! The petrol price had dropped! And will be dropping again soon, erm... maybe only. And the traffic condition at the Singapose Custom had improved as well, meaning less traffic jam on the time that I go back.
However, these are not all the factors, I got more reasons coming in... I am a think-a-lot person, so my factors got a lot also lah... But not sure should I say it here...
Sigh... another long story here... OK! I will really try my best to do summary from now on! Haha... I had come into a revelation that Singapore CHC is really a Church for Singaporean, it is their's local mega Church, not us the Malaysian's. Though there are a small population of Malaysian coming into Singapore for CHC Service just like me, it is still not really targeted for us. And to consider with my future, which most likely to be stationed in JB, I think it is not wise for me to go to Singapore Church, because I am considering of my "future wife". People always have the mentality that I go to Church can get to know nice girl, or gal that I have feeling with. My CG members and other church friends always ask me, "your Usher Ministry don't have girls meh? How come you don't get to know them?" And the Usher friends will be like "your CG don't have girls meh?" Erm... to answer such questions perfectly, it takes another long entry of blog lah... Haha... But to cut short, what I am considering for my "future wife" my girlfriend, is another complex one. Singapore ladies may not really fulfill my need as my ideal wife / girlfriend, at the same time, they may not want a JB guy like me lah... Therefore, this raise an very important question which is not so easily seen / observed, i.e.: even if I got a girl that I like, and the very fact that I do have one in mind =D (and in my heart also), will I confess my feeling to the girl? And my current answer is obviously "No". Why not? Many other factors got in... Well it is really got many things got into the way, and not to mention what my 算命师傅 had said regarding my 姻缘~！Anyways, but to quote one killing reason, or "excuse" if you would prefer to use such word, it is the timing and different in place that both had. You know, 异国恋情是很难的。。。It is very difficult to maintain a love-ship between 2 distant places, at least it is very difficult at the initial stage of a boy-girl relationship. (BGR). Therefore, "to know your "future wife" in Singapore Church" this statement does not really stand for my case.
Another reason that got me is... the yearning for more personal time. Ok, ok... cut short cut short. Throughout the near-to-3-years-life in JB, I had gained weight as I did not go to gym anymore. But this May, I signed up a newly opened fitness centre in City Square. It is called the Clark Hatch Fitness Centre. At the beginning, I still don't have much time to go to gym. So I am thinking of using my Sunday morning to do the work out instead. True enough, times that I didn't go to Singapore Service, I went to gym, and I was really hardworking at it!
But all and all... the trigger point for the decision for not going into Singapore Church is this: "my passport's pages are using up!" It was not the main problem initially, I got a solution for that... I got one Malaysian church friend, Caiyan (or Choy Ngan), I sometimes call her “二妈”, she mentioned to me that there was this one entry permit, or social visit entry "card" that we Malaysian could apply, so that we no need to get chopped in our passport so frequently. All we need to provide is some of our idenfication documents and the "prove" that you travel into Singapore a lot, erm... i.e. to show your passport got many chops lah... haha... I asked her for details, got prepared and went to apply... But I was rejected! My application was rejected! Caiyan said it is very easy one. But I got rejected! Why? The staff there said that Ex-PR cannot apply. And she asked me to come back after the expiry of my PR is over for 6 months. That time I went to apply was about July. And my 6 months expiry period of PR should be about August or September. Yah, yah, now October already, which means I can go and apply again. But I do not do so. Why?? That time when I was rejected, the lady actually asked me to come back and "try" to apply again on August or September... I heard the key word, it is "try" to apply. Then I asked her so next time I come back to apply, after my PR had expired for 6 month, then I confirm can get the entry pass is it? But her response let me had the revelation that I would not coming back to apply any sooner... She said, "don't know. Not sure one. You must try only."
Yes, that's the words that trigger my decision for not coming into Singapore so often liao! I told my CGL, Wendy Goh, about it and shared with her all these things, and to tell her my intention to find a local church in JB. However, I did not find at all, "many factors" again. But really, to tell one convincing one, it is easier to said than done, it is easy to say to find a local church and get planted. But it is extremely difficult to find another CHC in JB. If you got CHC-DNA, or if you have tasted the Service style of CHC and fall in love with it, it is not that easy to fall in love with another Churches one... And my problems cannot be solved by simply "looking for a local church"! .
Yes. So all these are the factors that accumulated together, with the trigger point for this decision of "Leave Church (CHC)". Let me summarize all the points here... (1). Spiritual not-well-beings (I do hope you had realized it by now, if you had been reading this entry), (2). yearning for more of personal time and space, (3). external circumstance condition such as traffic jam. Though this problem is no longer valid for now. (4). Future settlement consideration, to find a girlfriend in JB? or Singapore? (5). Passport's pages using up! And application for entry pass got rejected! This is the trigger point! Cheh... only got 5 main points after summarizing them...
However, there is another reason that I didn't mention until now... Actually it is not really a Factor that contributes to the decision, but it is absolutely crucial to know, i.e. Jesus had once told me something in person during the period when I had the "severe" doubts. It happened at the end of one of the Services last year, while Pastor asked us to join hand and pray for your neighbors of left and right, then the words of Jesus came in, He says clearly to me, "You will leave this Church..." The moment I heard it, my tears immediately ran out and I cried a little... Wish to write down the whole story, but this entry already been very very long liao. Nevertheless, I am glad that all these things work out in the "I-want-it-that-way" manner. I want to say, God is Good! But I doubt not many trully can understand the essence of such saying as considering my case lah...
Ok, maybe I will do a "Content Page" and a brief, real brief description to that... So here goes:
(1). Introduction -- "Leave Church" Decision
(2). Back To Church for a Purpose??
(3). The Sunday Service-- "Fourth Dimension Living" Sermon & Amount to Pledge Confirmation
(4). And wait, is that really the confirmation?! Cos I am thinking of doubling it...
And now, for the story...
(1). Introduction -- "Leave Church" Decision
Indeed, this is really like a "long ago" thing... But nevertheless, it still happened within this year, 2008. Since it had been sometimes already, I don't really know how to started it... Let me think...
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ok, got it. In the past, I always traveled into Singapore every Sunday morning for Service and Usher Ministry and it was definitely tired. In the further past, I traveled in by bus! I gotta ask my Papa to fetch me down to the custom because that time I was a Singapore Permanent Residence (SPR) which means I couldn't drive Malaysia plated car into Singapore. That time was a much difficult time that I had to trouble my Papa to fetch me. I thought of parking the car in the nearby shopping complex -- City Square, but that would cost a lot as I maybe staying in Singapore for almost the whole day. So things got better when I gave up my SPR and I started to drive my Honda Accord... erm... not really "mine", but my Papa's Honda Accord for the Service! It was definitely great~! However... sigh... God never makes "going to Service" easily for me... It is true to me... I always got different challenges while going to Church at different point of my time...
~ Different Challenges for Attending Service at Different Point of Life ~
At the initial stage of my CHC life, I was doing part-time waiter in a Japanese Restaurant, which means weekends were usually gotta work. At that time, I was new to CHC also, and there were lots of negative feedbacks regarding this church from my friends, so I was doubtful and would "drag myself" going to Friday Service... I requested not to work on Friday so that I can go for the Service. I remembered that was one Friday that I didn't work and "supposed" to meet a friend from CHC, actually he is Eugene Goh lah, for attending Service together... But in the end I met other friends for dinner instead. Haha... I felt bad that I flied aeroplane to Eugene. But thank-God-ly, he managed to find his other Church friends to attend the Service together. Nevertheless, he does know a lot of people in Church, so it shouldn't be a difficult task for him lah... haha...
Later, I gave up my part time job so that I can go to the Service as well as the Cell Group Meeting (CGM). I could remembered, I attended the CG three times only, and for the third time, it was their "Multiplication Day"! Haha... And I was still "blur-blur" that time. That time, mg CG Leader, was Sia Hon Yu. Then I was transferred to a new CGL, Janice Seow. And that was the time I was under her direct "discipleship" and I gotta learned a lot from her. That was the moment when I decided to go into Usher Ministry, sole purpose is to fulfill the mission statement of the Church...
Usher Ministry... I also got lots of memories for it... I signed up the ministry via the Internet and I actually waited for about 3 months for the person in charge to contact me! Indeed, a time of waiting... Anyways, shall write those stories regarding Usher Ministry some other time...
Doing usher duty was another different challenge for me to go for the Service. This time was like, balance between duty and worshipping God; a balance between Martha and Mary... Sometimes, I was asked to do Traffic Marshal (TM), which means I served outside the main auditorium. Man! That was so far away from the Presence of God leh... All these sacrifces were affordable to me, as my heart was fervent for God, and being a new convert, my heart was burning with desires also. Until...
Until after graduated from MDIS, my Papa wanted me to come back for JB... I wasn't willing to do that... And I asked God, but I felt the response from God also... He says "It is time to go back." But actually, Jesus was telling me: "That's enough, let's do something else." Well, that's another long story here...
Anyways, the challenge got much more difficult now... The traveling from JB into Singapore via bus and MRT, and going to Expo, was a killing man! This greatly affected my habit before, especially usher ministry... The report time for usher was 7.30am. I really hardly make it that time. Sometimes, I stayed overnight in Singapore on Saturday, so that the next morning I can go to Expo much early to report for Usher ministry. It was tough, it was tough, it was very tough for me, in the physical, in the emotion and in the spirit. Much later, I decided to stop this and only report to usher at 8.30am, or 9.30am. So that I no need to come over to Singapore the day before. But sometimes, I was late... reach after 10am where Service has started... sigh...
Thank-God-ly, after I gave up my SPR, the very useful benefit of this is I can drive my JBV 21 into Singapore! And so I was, driving car into Singapore happily and showing-off-ly. But, I still report 8.30am or 9.30am... Haha... sometimes, I was late also, because of jam, drove wrong way, missed the exit in highway... haha... aiyo... Things got much settled down again, until...
~ Factors that Contributes to the Decision to "Leave Church" ~
Until my heart changed... I had "severe" doubt about Christianity... Now this is not the challenge of the physical body, but of the mind and of the spirit. They (the Christian friends, the pastor) say that when such things happen, we should press on to God even more . I did, I pressed on and I pressed on until I do not know how to do anything any more... Buts still, it doesn't seem to help. Now, every Sunday morning, my mind was battling... fighting for the answer "to go or not to go". Most of the time, the answer "go" prevailed. Actually, this happened even before I could drive car into Singapore... But then I could remembered the very first time that I drove into Singapore... The mixed feeling... or that kind of feeling that is hardly for me to describe with words... it is like... having those doubts, and then driving for the first time in Singapore, (not really first time driving in Singapore, but had a break in between for years) and I was not familiar with the roads 人生地不熟 like that. And the best part is, I was doing this all by my lonely self only! Sometimes, I could wish I am not alone, things could have been better. But there was once I traveled in with my friend, but we were talking until I missed turning into the Tampines Express Way (TPE)! Haha... Then ended up going via Pan Island Express Way (PIE)! Haha... aiyo... My friend was blaming herself and me also for gossiping in the car! Haha...
Anyway, the feeling that I had when I was driving into Singapore for the first time alone, with doubts and not-so-fervent heart... It was a weird feeling. I was telling God in the car "God, I am coming for Ya~!" Really, I thought this could settle me down for sometimes, but it was not so... again... That's why I say God never makes this simple for me...
The usual, common jam I had learned to avoid... But then, there was this Mas Selamat escaping in Singapore, making the security of the Custom got to be much more tight and secure, and of course, this resulting in severe traffic jam... Then like after the news of the Mas Selamat, maybe about 2 months or like that, they got a brand new story of one Singaporean father took his son's passport and successfully crossed the Custom, and he only realised it when he reached Vietnam! Oh no... this even "strengthened" the security of the custom... My minimum jamming time at the Custom while going back to JB was like 45 minutes! And then few months back later... the greatly increased petrol price came into picture~! From Ringgit Malaysia (RM) 1.70++ to RM2.70++! Oops, I forgot the exact amount liao. Though it was not me to pay the petrol price, (my Papa pays of course) I could still feel the "pain" man! And all this factors got me into raising a question of going into Singapore often or not... Ok, latest update! The petrol price had dropped! And will be dropping again soon, erm... maybe only. And the traffic condition at the Singapose Custom had improved as well, meaning less traffic jam on the time that I go back.
However, these are not all the factors, I got more reasons coming in... I am a think-a-lot person, so my factors got a lot also lah... But not sure should I say it here...
Sigh... another long story here... OK! I will really try my best to do summary from now on! Haha... I had come into a revelation that Singapore CHC is really a Church for Singaporean, it is their's local mega Church, not us the Malaysian's. Though there are a small population of Malaysian coming into Singapore for CHC Service just like me, it is still not really targeted for us. And to consider with my future, which most likely to be stationed in JB, I think it is not wise for me to go to Singapore Church, because I am considering of my "future wife". People always have the mentality that I go to Church can get to know nice girl, or gal that I have feeling with. My CG members and other church friends always ask me, "your Usher Ministry don't have girls meh? How come you don't get to know them?" And the Usher friends will be like "your CG don't have girls meh?" Erm... to answer such questions perfectly, it takes another long entry of blog lah... Haha... But to cut short, what I am considering for my "future wife" my girlfriend, is another complex one. Singapore ladies may not really fulfill my need as my ideal wife / girlfriend, at the same time, they may not want a JB guy like me lah... Therefore, this raise an very important question which is not so easily seen / observed, i.e.: even if I got a girl that I like, and the very fact that I do have one in mind =D (and in my heart also), will I confess my feeling to the girl? And my current answer is obviously "No". Why not? Many other factors got in... Well it is really got many things got into the way, and not to mention what my 算命师傅 had said regarding my 姻缘~！Anyways, but to quote one killing reason, or "excuse" if you would prefer to use such word, it is the timing and different in place that both had. You know, 异国恋情是很难的。。。It is very difficult to maintain a love-ship between 2 distant places, at least it is very difficult at the initial stage of a boy-girl relationship. (BGR). Therefore, "to know your "future wife" in Singapore Church" this statement does not really stand for my case.
Another reason that got me is... the yearning for more personal time. Ok, ok... cut short cut short. Throughout the near-to-3-years-life in JB, I had gained weight as I did not go to gym anymore. But this May, I signed up a newly opened fitness centre in City Square. It is called the Clark Hatch Fitness Centre. At the beginning, I still don't have much time to go to gym. So I am thinking of using my Sunday morning to do the work out instead. True enough, times that I didn't go to Singapore Service, I went to gym, and I was really hardworking at it!
But all and all... the trigger point for the decision for not going into Singapore Church is this: "my passport's pages are using up!" It was not the main problem initially, I got a solution for that... I got one Malaysian church friend, Caiyan (or Choy Ngan), I sometimes call her “二妈”, she mentioned to me that there was this one entry permit, or social visit entry "card" that we Malaysian could apply, so that we no need to get chopped in our passport so frequently. All we need to provide is some of our idenfication documents and the "prove" that you travel into Singapore a lot, erm... i.e. to show your passport got many chops lah... haha... I asked her for details, got prepared and went to apply... But I was rejected! My application was rejected! Caiyan said it is very easy one. But I got rejected! Why? The staff there said that Ex-PR cannot apply. And she asked me to come back after the expiry of my PR is over for 6 months. That time I went to apply was about July. And my 6 months expiry period of PR should be about August or September. Yah, yah, now October already, which means I can go and apply again. But I do not do so. Why?? That time when I was rejected, the lady actually asked me to come back and "try" to apply again on August or September... I heard the key word, it is "try" to apply. Then I asked her so next time I come back to apply, after my PR had expired for 6 month, then I confirm can get the entry pass is it? But her response let me had the revelation that I would not coming back to apply any sooner... She said, "don't know. Not sure one. You must try only."
Yes, that's the words that trigger my decision for not coming into Singapore so often liao! I told my CGL, Wendy Goh, about it and shared with her all these things, and to tell her my intention to find a local church in JB. However, I did not find at all, "many factors" again. But really, to tell one convincing one, it is easier to said than done, it is easy to say to find a local church and get planted. But it is extremely difficult to find another CHC in JB. If you got CHC-DNA, or if you have tasted the Service style of CHC and fall in love with it, it is not that easy to fall in love with another Churches one... And my problems cannot be solved by simply "looking for a local church"! .
Yes. So all these are the factors that accumulated together, with the trigger point for this decision of "Leave Church (CHC)". Let me summarize all the points here... (1). Spiritual not-well-beings (I do hope you had realized it by now, if you had been reading this entry), (2). yearning for more of personal time and space, (3). external circumstance condition such as traffic jam. Though this problem is no longer valid for now. (4). Future settlement consideration, to find a girlfriend in JB? or Singapore? (5). Passport's pages using up! And application for entry pass got rejected! This is the trigger point! Cheh... only got 5 main points after summarizing them...
However, there is another reason that I didn't mention until now... Actually it is not really a Factor that contributes to the decision, but it is absolutely crucial to know, i.e. Jesus had once told me something in person during the period when I had the "severe" doubts. It happened at the end of one of the Services last year, while Pastor asked us to join hand and pray for your neighbors of left and right, then the words of Jesus came in, He says clearly to me, "You will leave this Church..." The moment I heard it, my tears immediately ran out and I cried a little... Wish to write down the whole story, but this entry already been very very long liao. Nevertheless, I am glad that all these things work out in the "I-want-it-that-way" manner. I want to say, God is Good! But I doubt not many trully can understand the essence of such saying as considering my case lah...
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