Church & Stuff Episode 4 -- And It Has To Be That Accurate

Main Label: Life Update

Attended the Service this Sunday... My usual CG went to the Saturday Service actually. And it turned out that Wendy,- my CGL, came along with Adelle,- a new friend of N333, David and myself, a total of 4 person attended the Service. I found the seats on floor area again, quite near to the stage actually... It was right behind the Deaf-Ministry area...

To my surprise... Pastor Kong's sermon was "critical" again!

Side track: In fact, most of the time, the sermons from Pastors are very critical to me, as in, the message speaks like directly to me like that! This "phenomenon" occurred to me even when I attended a neighborhood Church when I was in Secondary School... It is like, when I have a particular question in my mind, the next sermon that I am going to listen, will somehow answer that specific question of mine. It is not like... I got lots of questions & doubts, so much that you anyhow say anything, answer anything you will definitely hit one spot like that. It is like God answers the very, specific question of my heart like that... Don't really know how to describe it in an easily understood manner... For example, I was thinking what is sin... then the Service sermon will say something about it, whether it is the main topic, or it is just one point of the sermon like that lor...

OK. Come back to the story... About the sermon... Pastor Kong talked about the CHC-DNA again. He pointed out that the DNA was founded... the DNA's 3 foundational pillars are: (1) the Great Commandment, (2) the Great Commission, and (3) the Cultural Mandate (Kristo Kai Kosmos). The very first point he pointed made me feels that I don't have the DNA afterall... :( However, the Holy Spirit was like telling, "do not judge so early..." In fact, as I listened along, I could still "qualify" myself having that DNA. Ahaha...

~ About the Sermon ~
As Pastor talked about "how Unchurch / "Unchristian" think about the Church?", a research survey regarding that topic, my heart burned, was boiling, and my tear almost ran down, especially he talked about those traditional, former mindset of Christianity from those old spiritual leader... Seriously to say, I personally do not have any bad experience with any "old" mindset Christian, but whenever I think about how their behaviours and stuff had "scared off" people to come to Church, I will be very angry... These people are really like the Pharisees and Scribes in the time of Jesus... I don't know why, whenever I think about such people and eventhough I personally don't know any of such people, I got a strong angry feeling towards them. And every time it is God / Jesus who calm me down...

~ Movie - Finn's Girl ~
I just watched a movie call, Finn's Girl. I bought it because it has my sis's name on it, Finn. So was much interested about this movie. In this movie, the main lead, i.e. Finn had an abortion clinic, and in front of her clinic, got these Christian couple who setup banners saying stuff like, Baby-Killer, Jesus hates abortions and stuff. To my surprise, they even called her house and said this: "Stop killing babies! God will punish you!" And it so happened that it was Finn's 11 years old daughter answered the call and she was definitely scared! But the best part is, Finn was protected by police because there were people wanted to assassin her! In fact, she was gun-shot 2 times in the movie, but she was alright eventually. The movie didn't tell who was behind this assassination, but accordingly, it seems like it was those "Christians" lor...

At some point of my life, I was thinking, why there were Anti-Christians or Anti-Christ. I mean Jesus is sooo good that why would people rather reject Him, His Love, His sacrifice and stuff? Will it not be good just to have "one more friend" in your life? Why people are so skeptical about Jesus? What is so wrong with Jesus that people gotta reject Him? Then I pointed my judgment towards these people... these Christians, or so-called Christians... They were the ones who had shaped the religion call Christian / Christianity. They setup many things to judge people, and judge in the name of Jesus. I think that they are the main culprits for stopping people going to Churches~! To the extend, I would rather say they are the real Anti-Christ! Because they use their own righteousness to shield people away from their Jesus!

But anyways, the above paragraph is rather "raw" or draft... I somehow couldn't get the inspiration to write it perfectly... I need some more thoughts for that... anyways, this is not the point I want to make here... so continue my main story... Haha...

~ Back to "About the Sermon" ~
Then later Pastor talked about something like a visitor commented about the twin girls, he mentioned something like "kiddie porn" (is that the correct spelling?? Cos I didn't know about such things too... Haha...) And then Pastor said that a verse was reminded to him, "to the pure, all things are pure." The exact verse is like this:

"To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled."

Titus 1:15 (NKJV)

The moment Pastor said that, my heart burned with that burning desire again, it was like my heart was boiling, and tears started to flow... But I stopped it immediately... I really don't know the very reason why I teared, there were many things in my mind... Indeed, they are many things running in my head. But I just don't know whether the tears were sad, for injustice, for my own weakness, etc. etc.? I don't know. But all I know is, these words brought me to a climax in my heart...

~ I Guess I Couldn't Wait to Cry, So I Cry Now Lor... ~
That's the 2 parts in the Sermon that touched me greatly - 1. traditional Church mindset and 2. to the pure all things are pure... Then at the near-end of the Service, Pastor had us gave the offering, I didn't give much, only some coins... Like 4 dollars... In fact, I prepared those coins one because I knew that I don't have small change, but only 1 fifty dollars note. XP After the offering, when we started to stand up and sing the worship song again... the moment I stood up and wanted to start singing, that's the time I started weeping instead... It was non-controllable, and in fact, I didn't know the reason for this weeping... I really don't want to cry... I told God, "God please stop this, I don't want~!" But God just "ignored me". Though this was not the first time that I wept like that during Service, sometimes I would think that this is so embarrassing...

I asked God to stop but He didn't, and I personally could not stop the tears, so I might as well "enjoying" the moment lor... haha... My mind was "quite empty" while I cried, so I was thinking, what should I think now? Immediately, I thought of something... so I simply told God / Jesus, "God, I miss you... I really love you..." something like that to "incorporate" with my tears, my weeping... Haha... So I cried until Pastor asked us to join hands with others to pray... and the Service ... ... ended...

After the incident, I thought that, "I couldn't wait for the next Sunday to cry... so I cry today~~~" Haha... And it takes awhile for my heart to 'settle" down again...

~ I Guess I Really Cannot Accept Other Churches Other Than (Singapore) CHC Liao... ~
One thing about Pastor and his sermon... Are really powerful and ciritical to me... It was like the "meat" stuff for my spiritual food. His sermon and his viewpoints are rather "mature" for me, more than enough for me to think more than twice for his every sermon. And sometimes I couldn't help to have this mentality: "we (Pastor Kong and I) thought the same." or "My thought exactly" like that... At one point during the sermon, I was so desired to come back to this Church to listen to his sermon like that... But, I still got valid reasons for "leaving this Church"...

Another revelation that I have is... It is really true to me that not every Church "qualify" for me to go to... Last time, I tried the CHC JB Church, but the sermon... the Church is too "young" that it does not suit me... "Young" not only the congregation's age, but also the Church is at the stage of "start up". That's why, I would still prefer to come to Singapore's CHC, with Pastor Kong being the preacher... Sometimes, Pastor Kong is so busy that we seldom see him preaching... Though other Pastors can preach very good, real good, I would still prefer Pastor Kong, or "miss" him instead. He is really somebody lor... The way he preaches reflects his confident and faith towards God...

At some point of the sermon, he said that someone wants to "support" him. And he immediately said "with or without your support, I will still go on preaching! I stand up here preaching the truth, is not to gain your support!" Wow... and I was like thinking... "Oh Pastor, come on, people are just being nice to say "I support you" lah... You don't have to say until like that lor..." Haha... However, nevertheless, I do learned something about this statement of his... As long as it is your purpose in life, you gotta do it no matter whether you will fail or succeed... That statement became clearer in my heart, just as Pastor made his stand...

OK, to say again... Really, "switching Church" is not really the solution for my situation. I couldn't imagine how will all other the preachers preach especially you have tasted Pastor Kong's. I couldn't imagine what will those praise and worship of other churhes be like? Will I enjoy those just as I enjoy CHC's??? Oh God... Do I really have to go and look for other churches in JB??? Unless there are really purposes for me to go in lor...

~ About the Pledge Confirmation ~
Oh, at one point of the Service / Sermon, I already told God that the amount to pledge had confirmed, please do not let me have other confusions. Please do not confuse me anymore, I am not going to think about the amount to pledge during the week. And I thank You for the amount confirmed. And with silent nodding, God was like telling me, "Okie, noted."

So in the end... ... ... I didn't double the amount... I don't really have the "peace" or "confirmation" to double it... I do have the amount available... But somehow I was reminded that those amount are "untouchable" due to certain determination / decision or factors. God was like telling me, "have you not told Me that you don't want to give Me those amount because they were given from your family? Because it can be easily found out if you spend those money. And your Papa had "warned" you not to "anyhow" spend the amount." And I was like "oh yah hor..." Haha... So in the end, still the same old "confirmation" as the previous week. This is the pattern I am going to give this time round: First month, November: 75% of the pledge. Then "rest, rest, rest" until the last month, i.e. April: the remaining 25%. And when it is possible, I will fulfill the amount even before Apirl come, i.e. to give as long I got the 25%. My mind has set up for it already. I really don't want any confusions again... Thank you.

Oh... so long already... and I haven't finished writing... should I continue?? Ok I should. Haha...

After the Service Wendy, Adelle and I went to eat Botak John at Bedok North. It turned out that I was the only one who ordered Botak John! I thought maybe the portions were too big for the 2 ladies ba... and I didn't think about that before. After the luch, I met my sis, Finn and we went to find ２姐 together and to see her lovely children. Our initial plan was to watch "High School Musical 3" with the elderst niece, as a mean to accompany her after her PSLE. But she "dua" us, she wanted to go swimming with her siblings instead. So the ２姐 family went for swimming while Finn and I headed for our backup plan, i.e. meet her friend, Axelle instead. We then went to Ang Mo Kio Hub to buy game - Patapon (that's how I got the pata pata pata pon * pon pon pata pon) and fetch Axelle to her wedding dinner at Mandai. And that night, I stayed overnight at Finn's house, because Monday was a public holiday -- Deepavali. At first, I thought I gotta work, but later I was told that I got the holiday too... Haha... My sis's friends and I played mahjong overnight~~ Haha... But it was a rather not-so-exiciting mahjong session... Nevertheless, we were still enjoying... Then before fetching Axelle back to home, we went to Geylang to have supper! Wow... haha...

I slept like about 4am or later... the next day I woke up, and decided to meet a friend for movie. So I said goodbye to sis and drove to the destination... And finally, that's the time I could find myself alone and thereby giving myself sometimes to ponder, to think about Sunday's crying... I was thinking about the whole thing... I was thinking about writing it in the blog... I was thinking and at the same time, talking to God... As I talked and thought, tears started to flow down again... The tear flowed down gently in the beginning... But as I thought more, and the moment I thought and told God that, "God, this is the amount I can give to you. It is not much, it is really not much to do great things with such little amount of money. God please take it, use it for Your kingdom. I am sorry that I can only give that much..." Then I started crying out loud instead! And I was driving... And I was reminded, the very first time that I wept like that while driving was when my Mama was warded into Intensive Care Unit (ICU)(加护病房) like many years ago... I thought that was the only time I would "weep and drive" at the same time... But now, I had it again... I was telling God, "God I am driving leh, please stop the tear..." But Thank-God-ly, because I got the "previous experience" I could drive safely lah...

It is just that... I don't know why I will cry until like that... I do admit that "I love to weep in the Presence of God", but somehow when I got it, I will be like "erm... what the heaven am I doing? Why I can cry until like that???" I could still remember last year's pledging day, I told God the same thing, "God, this isn't much of money, and I could only give you such. Please accept them... I am sorry that I cannot give you a lot, please forgive me..." something like that, then I could start crying like nobody's business liao... It is the same this time... the attitude of giving is still the same...

Oh, I could feel the "feeling" again right now... And I think I still got many things to say... But still, I think this would be enough liao... Still got many things to say, but that would be enough liao... Oh~! I actually typed that 2 times!! Then I guess I really gotta stop here liao. Wish to write more... wish to type a letter address to God... But I guess, maybe next Episode ba...

With Loves...